EFFECTS OF THE GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN
10. To pay the bills, Vice President Joe Biden will have to return to former job as professional rodeo clown.
9. Interrupted waste disposal at the National Zoo means there will be another site in DC just as full of crap as the Senate chamber.
8. Lack of funds for daily tanning will cause Majority Leader John Boehner's skin to fade from bright tangerine to a muted salmon.
7. President of the United States and most powerful man in the free world will be spotted wandering down Pennsylvania Avenue scavenging for partially smoked Newports.
6. Locked doors at Presidential Libraries will mean many of George W. Bush's favorite books could go uncolored.
5. With no one to process visa applications, terrorists will be stuck having to try to blow up planes in their own countries for a while.
4. Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson will be able to spend more time working on his pet project, digging a hole to China. (Johnson audio: "When you're in a hole, you've got to grab a shovel and start digging.")
3. With out anybody answering the 800 number hot-lines at the National Institutes of Health, there will be no one to tell you you have the wrong number when you misdial your phone sex line.
2. Delayed clinical trials and decisions on regulating new drugs and devices related to public health and safety means Americans may have to go weeks without the introduction of any new boner pills.
1. Will have to temporarily postpone invading any middle eastern countries no matter how much oil they have.