Friday, February 26, 2010
For committing the biggest hoax of the week...with the obvious exception of the health care summit.
For making us think she was really selling a baby when we should have known better... since the baby didn't even have a UPC code.
For making believe she was selling a baby for just $800 causing prices on the World Black Market Baby Index to suffer it's greatest one day lose since the time Angelina Jolie bought a 16-month-old Somali kid for $300 and a goat.
And for making a joke that wasn't even remotely funny...when BACK OFF, BITCH, THAT'S RICK'S JOB!
We are proud to name the Brown County woman who perpetrated the Craiglist baby selling hoax as this week's Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
To hold you over, check out this video of Jimmy explaining health care!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Better we have the kid than have him left in the hands of a lousy parent that is willing to sell him. He could live in the studio and be our intern/mascot.
What would we do with him? Glad you asked!
THINGS WE COULD DO WITH A 2-YEAR-OLD ON THE RICK AND LEN SHOW.
10. Teach him to say funny things like "ass hat" and "douchebag" which sound even funnier when a 2-year-old says them.
9. Package his dirty diapers so we can literally give away boxes of crap.
8. Stuff him in a box in the attic. Release a balloon. Get tons of free publicity from CNN.
7. Put him to work in our sweat shop cranking out more Feces the Clown t-shirts.
6. Give him away as a prize during an on-air contest. Watch our ratings in the coveted 25 to 54 convicted male sex offender demographic go even higher.
5. Put him in front of a microphone as he throws a blubbering tantrum while we take the day off and see if anyone notices the difference.
4. Teach him to use the toilet instead of going in his pants. Hope and pray that Rick learns from his example.
3. Make him listen to WIXX. Wait for social services to have us charged with mistreating a child.
2. Take him to Green Bay City Hall. Watch him tower over the mayor.
1. Give him some paper and a crayon. He's gotta be able to come up with better crap than this!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
If you get offended as frequently as Paris Hilton gets herpes...you might be too uptight.
If the panties you keep getting in a bunch are actually bloomers...you might be too uptight.
If you've pitched more fits than an entire troop of boy scouts with a porno mag have pitched tents...you might be too uptight.
If compared to you, Mother Teresa seemed like Lindsey Lohan...you might be too uptight.
If you fly off the handle as easily as Tommy Thompson flies off the wagon...you might be too uptight.
If after sticking chunks of coal up your ass, Richard Kessler returns a week later to harvest diamonds...you're definitely too uptight!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
A caller reported that there was loud banging coming from an apartment on Third Street and it sounded like a fight. Upon arrival, officers were told by two individuals that there was no fight. One of the men said he was playing a video game and got upset, so he was yelling.
January 31st City of Brown Deer
An 18-year-old man was arrested for underage drinking and resisting arrest after police were called to remove him from a party at Four Points Sheraton. The man ran from police and when caught yelled for them to call his parents. The suspect would not say where he got the alcohol and denied drinking. However, he told officers he knew where they could buy some "weed."
February 7th Town of Menasha
A resident of Stead Drive reported that he ordered two computers from a company in China and when the package arrived, it turned out to be a pair of shoes.
February 7th Town of Menasha
Officers were sent to a tavern on American Drive where, for no apparent reason, a man pushed another patron off a barstool.
February 7th Town of Menasha
Police were called to Golf Bridge Drive were two men where fighting over who the winner of the Super Bowl was going to be.
February 18th City of Oshkosh
Officers received a report of a man walking down the street with a firearm. Police located the “man with the firearm” who turned out to be a 12-year-old boy with a toy.
Great Britain Ice Dancers Sinead & John Kerr have been competing in Vancouver. As the song Tango Romantica fills their ears, they peer lustfully into each others' eyes, their hands softy exploring each other's bodies and their lips almost touching. The sexual chemistry in the Pacific Coliseum is so thick it could stop a truck. Which is all well and good, except... they're brother and sister.
Do you have any idea how creepy that is? Let me put it in perspective.
That's as creepy as...
...a wet dream about Dick Cheney.
...a tramp stamp on a toddler.
...Roman Polanski hosting a slumber party.
...a wink from Richard Simmons.
...Ronald McDonald in fishnet stockings.
...a wet, sloppy tongue kiss from the Shamwow guy.
...Joe Biden's hairline.
...Tom Milbourn in Home of the Whopper underpants.
...as clown porn.
...getting fingered by Larry McCarren.
...a home furnished by Ed Gein.
...phone sex with Dr. Stephen Hawking.
Friday, February 19, 2010
We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...18 year old Samuel J. Bain of rural Sheboygan Falls. He's the kid who allegedly attempted to make his grandmother say he didn't have to go to school by putting a "kink" the oxygen hose on her life support system.
For apparently trying to get out of school by committing an act that could get him locked up somewhere that he'll really learn some lessons.
For allegedly putting a "kink" in grandma's oxygen hose, when usually, the only time the word "kink" is used in Sheboygan Falls is when describing why the neighbor man is buying sexy panties for his pig.
And for reportedly doing something that could lead to him getting locked up with a cellmate who will show him how uncomfortable it can be to have a hose in your mouth that you can't breath through.
We are proud to name Samuel J. Bain of Sheboygan Falls as this week's Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
Marc will be at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton this week. Make your reservations to see him in person by calling 920-734-JOKE!
In the mean time, check him out here on Live at the Improv.
Or check out one Marc's popular "Steve" videos. See more at his site, marcryan.com.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The President of Haiti gave an interview Monday where he said that it's going to take "1000 trucks moving rubble for 1000 days" before his country can start to rebuild. What's more, they're not sure what to do with all the rubble.
Here's our suggestions.
THINGS TO DO WITH ALL THE RUBBLE FROM HAITI
10. Fill the pot holes at the Daytona Motor Speedway.
9. Move it to Detroit where by comparison it would look like an urban renewal project.
8. Tell Tiger Woods wife the rubble cheated on her. Stand back and watch as she uses a wedge to smash it all into dust.
7. Pile it at the north end of Appleton's Skyline bridge. Tell people it's "art".
6. Convince Amy Winehouse it's crack and give her an enormous pipe.
5. Grind it to a fine powder and ship it to snow challenged Vancouver so Olympians have something to ski on.
4. I don't know but I'm pretty sure Sarah Palin has the solution written on her hand.
3. Sign it to star in sequel to hit movie Valentine's Days since a pile of rocks has the same emotional range as Ashton Kutcher.
2. Soak it in urine. Tell people it's downtown Fond du Lac.
1. Fill the largest, gaping chasm known to man before the Octomom has a chance to squeeze any more kids out of it.
Keep in mind, Haiti still needs our help! One quick, painless way to help is by texting. You can make a $10 donation to the Red Cross by texting the word "Haiti" to the number 90999. Your donation will be simply added to your monthly cell phone bill.
For making contributions on-line:
Click here for Global Giving
Click here for the Red Cross
Click here for Oxfam America
Click here for the World Food Programme
Monday, February 15, 2010
A case of trespassing was reported at the intersection
of Steiner & Y. However, it turned out to be just the town assessor taking a nap.
February 5th City of West Allis
Police were called to the Pick N Save where an officer cited a 31-year-old man who reportedly snuck a doughnut into the men's bathroom and ate it.
January 29th Town of Menasha
A man in his 20s approached a home on Lakeshore Drive while carrying a plate of cookies. While speaking with the resident, he was invited inside due to the cold weather. The man began asking personal questions about the residents and made comments about the property. The man eventually left.
January 29th Village of Winneconne
Officers responded to the home of a woman who’d received several obscene phone calls from the same man. While police were at the woman's residence listening to the recorded messages, the man made two additional calls. When police asked why he did that, he told them he did not believe that was making calls filled with obscene suggestions was inappropriate.
February 4th Village of Howard
A 19-year-old woman was arrested at Fleet Farm where she was found concealing Hershey's Nuggets in a diaper bag.
February 1st City of Beaver Dam
Police received a report of suspicious behavior. According to a caller, there was a man on North Spring Street standing outside wearing a ski mask. The 31-year-old man was contacted and he said that he was wearing the ski mask to keep warm while he was standing outside.
January 29th City of Neenah
A Neenah man told police that a woman who stayed with him in a hotel room stole his car, Xanax pills and $35 in cash. He said he awoke at 3:30 a.m. to find the woman and the items gone. The man only knew the woman’s first name and that she frequented the Paradise Club.
January 30th City of Neenah
Police referred a 24-year-old Neenah man on charges of trespassing, damage to property and disorderly conduct after he forcibly broke into the home of his former girlfriend and her boyfriend. The suspect tackled the boyfriend and threatened him with a frying pan. The boyfriend, in turn, armed himself with a hatchet that he kept under a couch cushion for just such situations.
January 21st City of Menasha
Police were called to Wittman Park Lane where a man was dismantling everything in sight in an effort to rid his apartment of bugs that he was actually just hallucinating.
In response to the e-mail complaint reprinted verbatim below, we are happy to make available this new line of Rick and Len T-Shirts. They're just $19.99 each plus shipping. To order yours, click here!
Rick, from Rick and Len Show
How dare you say Sarah Palin is idoit? I bet you can't think of one, one good reason why she is an Idoit, you know what Rick! Your an idoit!! Yes You! My friend except your not my friend. They should change your name to Feces the clown. Because your a squeeky little turd. I'm sick of your annoying voice. Why do dislike Sarah? I hope your hero Barrack Obama breaks into your house and eats your pets. If you don't have any pets then I hope your hero Barrack Bin Laden breaks into your house and bites your nipple and whips you with a leather belt. Sarah Palin is a babe! You probably think Nacy Polsi is hot...wait you like men...i forgot! You probably think Keith Olbermann or San Fransico Mayor Gavine Newsome is hot. How dare you, speak bad about Sarah! You Communist basterd. Get out of my country you communist!!! WAPL has crossed the line by having way too many commericals and they have stopped playing the good stuff like Zeppelin the Beatles, Rush. You keep playing that ozzy or AC/DC, and that beanie weanie hair band crap. Who do you think you are Dennis the Menace?! Huh! You snot nosed communist punk! Sarah Palin is more cute then a baby lamb on wheels! On wheels for crying out loud! You stupid liberal communist idoit! I'm not going to listen to WAPL anymore!! I'm up to here with their macho headgames! You communist! You probably want to take a bath with Sean Penn, a communist bath, you dirty communist bath loving commie! Mike Huckabee is going to kick you in the ass.-Jim
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Rick brought you some souvenirs from his vacation trip to New Orleans.
Listen the the Rick and Len Show in the week ahead for your chance to win one of these very rockin' shirts from Voodoo Harley Davidson in New Orleans.
This totally bad ass new mugshot of Gary Coleman makes me wonder, what's your favorite celebrity mug shot? Click here to peruse this slide show of mugshots of the rich and famous and let us know!
(I'm partial to #19 where Andy Dick looks like a cross between a Satan and a gay goat!)
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
SIGNS YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE ON THE COVER OF THE SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT ISSUE.
If your face has more moles than a poorly maintained golf course...you're probably not going to be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
If on any given day, the Golden Coral has less cottage cheese on its salad bar than you have on your thighs...you're probably not going to be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
If the pores in your face are so big people think you've been hunting with Dick Cheney...you're probably not going to be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
If your look has ever been refereed to as Vigoda-esque...you're probably not going to be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
If your nose is more crooked than Larry McCarren's fingers...you're probably not going to be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
If you’re body is more bloated than the Congressional Health Care Package...you're probably not going to be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
If two cats fighting in a sack are suing your ass for trademark infringement...you're probably not going to be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
And if your face is more wrinkles than the late Bea Arthur's ball sack...you're definitely not going to be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue!
The need for assistance on the Cheyenne River Reservation grows each day as the temperature continues to drop well below freezing. After suffering devastating ice-related storms over the weekend of January 22, 2010, electricity and water have been non-existent or scarce. Over 2,500 utility poles are currently on the ground in this remote, rural area. Power has been out in several communities and for thousands of residents for several days. Below zero temperatures and no electricity, heat, water or gasoline has created devastating results.
Click here for info on how you can help.
Rock out this Saturday at Tanner's with Boogie and the Yo Yo's and McGinnis! The event is a benefit for the Friends of Autism. $10 tickets include dinner and a raffle entry. $5 tickets get you into the show. WAPL's Len Nelson will be the emcee. Click here for details.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
This is not the sign you want to see when checking into your hotel...
Actually, that was a sign I encountered at the Audubon Insectarium. They have over 300,000 bugs and a pretty good sense of humor as evidenced by the beautiful tile work in the men's room shown here...
In case you were wondering, yes, those are dung beetles! On the bathroom walls. Perfect! Speaking of dung, here's another sign, I saw around town a lot on my first couple days in The Big Easy...
On the back of this poster was a paraphrased quote from Pulp Fiction. "And you will know we are the Saints when we lay our vengeance upon thee." I'm not sure who the Saints were avenging by slaying Favre in the NFC Championship game, but if it was Packer fans, I guess we owe them some thanks.
Saw this next sign in Jackson Square...
Just a tip, here. If you want prospective customers to believe you are an all knowing psychic, perhaps knowing how to spell psychic would help!
And finally, I saw this poster taped to the back of a street sign in the French Quarter...
"The thong is dead"
Cosmopolitan magazine reports.
Fallen victim to the less revealing,
lingerie called "boy shorts".
Since the 1980's, the thong,
with it's dainty French cut,
has been exciting millions of men…
and flossing even more butts.
The g-string, the t-back,
call it what you will.
The thong first found popularity
On the beaches of Brazil.
And from South America
the thong started creeping-up further north.
Which is, if nothing else,
an appropriate metaphor.
But comfort was never the reason
for a woman to wear one of those things.
That are nothing more than a couple small pieces of cloth
attached to a coarse, irritating string.
Its simple design gave many a wearer a rash
on her womanhood.
While giving even more men
a really bad case of wood.
Now, after 2 decades of proving
that less can be more.
The thong is going the way of bloomers and spats,
parachute pants and peignoirs.
So, now we bid farewell to the thong.
They'll soon be in short supply.
So, if you are a butt man,the time has come
to kiss your ass goodbye!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
A man called police from a bar and asked officers to give him a ride home. The caller was advised that officers are not a taxi service.
January 16th City of Neenah
Police arrested a 21-year-old Mackville man and a 20-year-old Neenah man for stealing items from cars on East Columbian Avenue. Items recovered from the suspects included headphones, darts, gum, Tootsie Pops and skin moisturizer.
January 16th City of Neenah
Police arrested a 19-year-old man for breaking into an unoccupied home on Cleveland Street and stealing a bag of trash and address labels. A neighbor spotted the man leaving the home. Police found the bag containing the trash and address labels hidden in the basement of the suspect's house. He denied any involvement and said someone planted the garbage in his basement as evidence.
January 7th City of Neenah
A resident of East Forest Avenue called police to report that she heard moving and mumbling and thought someone was in her house. She locked herself in the master bedroom and activated the security alarm. Police determined the woman had heard men outside doing snow removal.
January 6th City of Menasha
A woman came to the police station to report that on New Year's Eve, her son was forced to smoke marijuana.
January 27th City of Fond du Lac
A 30-year-old woman was cited for keeping a pig named Peanut in her apartment. Police responded after receiving a report from the woman’s probation officer who had stopped in at her Third Street apartment and found the pig living there with her. Responding officers noted that the apartment “smelled like a barn”.
January 24th Village of Winneconne
Police received a 911 call from the 20-year-old son of a Maple Street resident. The son said his father had been at the residence of a friend watching the Saints-Vikings game earlier in the evening. After he arrived home, he argued with the friend on the phone. Later, the friend walked in the house, yelled "Vikings suck!" and began hitting the older man. The father told police the friend who beat him acts like an idiot every time he watches football games.
January 19th City of Oshkosh
A 14-year-old boy was cited for retail theft after he took a porn magazine from a business on Planeview Drive. The boy's brother turned him in to police.
January 30th City of Ripon
A man called police to report a photo he took of Jesus when he appeared on the wall of his house has been stolen. The man told police the negative of the photo was stored in a coffee can on his bed headboard. The man said the negative shows Jesus on the wall of his house. The man said he thinks someone stole the negative to sell the print online or to the tabloids.
Police arrested a 22-year-old Neenah man for resisting arrest after he tried to run from an officer. The officer approached the man and two others after seeing one of them urinating behind the Statue of Liberty.
January 17th City of Menasha
A man living on 5th Street reported that someone dumped slices of cheese and maple syrup on his daughter's car. Police advised the man to wash the car as soon as possible.
January 24th City of Neenah
Police cited an intoxicated Menomonie man for disorderly conduct after he threatened to kill a hotel manager who attempted to calm him down while he was in town to coach his son's fifth-grade basketball team.
January 31st City of Marshfield
A 19-year-old Marshfield man was cited for discharging a firearm and criminal damage after he allegedly shot out a car window with a BB gun. The man said he was just playing paintball with a friend but they ran out of paintball ammo so they switched to using BB guns.
February 1st City of Tomahawk
Emergency Medical Services and Tomahawk Police officers were called to a North Sixth Street residence to assist a 46-year-old woman who had her head stuck under a seat in her van for four hours.
Join Len Nelson and 105-7 WAPL at a concert event featuring Fox Valley favorites Boogie & the Yo Yoz and McGinnis Friday, Feb. 13 at Tanner's in Kimberly.
Buy a $10 ticket and you get admission, dinner and a raffle entry. Admission at the door without dinner is just $5.
All proceeds go to help find answers to the problem of autism and to help patients and their families cope with it.
Click here for more info.