The much ballyhooed opening of the Zippin Pippin Roller Coaster (Elvis' favorite coaster!) at Green Bay's Bay Beach has been delayed. It was supposed to open May 7th but has been pushed back 2 weeks. According to Mayor Jim Schmitt, it's because of the cold weather. Yeah right! Here's the Top 10...
REAL REASONS FOR THE DELAY OF THE OPENING OF THE ZIPPIN PIPPIN ROLLER COASTER.
10. Mayor Schmitt upset after learning "you must be at least this tall" to ride it.
9. Mayor wanted to have carnival-like atmosphere at the opening, but majority of the state's clowns will be in session in Madison that day.
8. Had to bump back opening from May 7th to later in the year because city couldn't afford to outfit each of the coasters cars with snow tires.
7. Wanted to wait until after state supreme court race recount was over figuring the state could only take one roller coaster ride at a time.
6. After seeing Charlie Sheen's Violent Torpedoes of Truth Tour, the mayor realized that when it comes to things that go up and down and make you scream, most people would rather have a porn star goddess than a stupid carnival ride.
5. Mayor is away in Canada on buying trip after learning a park operator there is willing to sell Celine Dion's favorite Tilt-A-Whirl.
4. Police need time to ramp up security after having received reports of a local perverts turning up at the park and zippin' their own pippins.
3. Mayor still working on explanation as to why, due to budget deficits, city's school district had to cut 18 full time teachers and 8 administrators but can afford to buy a frickin' roller coaster.
2. Bay Beach being sued by FOX 11 who claim their Packer post game show has exclusive Green Bay rights for making people queasy and nauseous.
1. We simply can't have nice things!!!