WEENIE OF THE WEEK 4.29.11

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week...38-year-old Becky Riiser of Wausau who this past week pleaded no contest to giving cookies laced with a half box of laxatives to her college biology professor.

So,

For diminishing her chances of graduating summa cum laude in favor of trying to graduate summa cum Ex-Lax.

For not understanding that a passing grade does not generally result from making your professor pass some stools.

For not realizing that many college professors are so full of crap, a half a box of laxatives is barely going to make a dent.

We are proud to name Becky Riiser, a 38-year-old woman who gave her college professor cookies laced with Ex-Lax as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!

JAMES IS BERRY FUNNY!

It's Friday, Friday (For the love of god, somebody get that frickin' song out of my stupid frickin' head. But I digress!) Friday morning, James Ervin Berry from the Skyline Comedy Cafe will return to the Rick and Len Show. Don't miss James with us in the studio about 8am.

Get 2, that's right, 2 for 1 admission for James Ervin Berry tonight only at the Skyline. Just mention WAPL when you make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE or enter the letters WAPL where it says "coupon" on the check-out page when ordering tickets here at the new Skyline website.

A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emSBQdnR1N4

Plus, Friday morning we'll have Weenie of the Week, Small Town Crime Wave: Coast to Coast, another chance to qualify for Passport to Rock AND another edition of Rick and Len's Budgte Battle with your chance to win a chunk of the $10,000 we're giving away. Friday morning we're giving one listener $900.00!

HOW MANY ROLLER COASTERS WILL BE RUNNING IN GREEN BAY MAY 7TH? ZIP!

The much ballyhooed opening of the Zippin Pippin Roller Coaster (Elvis' favorite coaster!) at Green Bay's Bay Beach has been delayed. It was supposed to open May 7th but has been pushed back 2 weeks. According to Mayor Jim Schmitt, it's because of the cold weather. Yeah right! Here's the Top 10...

REAL REASONS FOR THE DELAY OF THE OPENING OF THE ZIPPIN PIPPIN ROLLER COASTER.

10. Mayor Schmitt upset after learning "you must be at least this tall" to ride it.

9. Mayor wanted to have carnival-like atmosphere at the opening, but majority of the state's clowns will be in session in Madison that day.

8. Had to bump back opening from May 7th to later in the year because city couldn't afford to outfit each of the coasters cars with snow tires.

7. Wanted to wait until after state supreme court race recount was over figuring the state could only take one roller coaster ride at a time.

6. After seeing Charlie Sheen's Violent Torpedoes of Truth Tour, the mayor realized that when it comes to things that go up and down and make you scream, most people would rather have a porn star goddess than a stupid carnival ride.

5. Mayor is away in Canada on buying trip after learning a park operator there is willing to sell Celine Dion's favorite Tilt-A-Whirl.

4. Police need time to ramp up security after having received reports of a local perverts turning up at the park and zippin' their own pippins.

3. Mayor still working on explanation as to why, due to budget deficits, city's school district had to cut 18 full time teachers and 8 administrators but can afford to buy a frickin' roller coaster.

2. Bay Beach being sued by FOX 11 who claim their Packer post game show has exclusive Green Bay rights for making people queasy and nauseous.

1. We simply can't have nice things!!!

ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS!

An article I was reading today attempts to explain who is actually planning to get up at 3AM on Friday morning to watch the royal wedding. The article says it will be predominantly "nostalgia freaks and romance geeks". Could you be more specific? We can...

WHO ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO WATCH THE ROYAL WEDDING?

2% are just lifelong fans of pomp, pageantry and parading, parasitic puss-buckets.

4% are insomniacs with a fleeting interest in the history of British inbreeding.

6% are terrorists looking for reasons to hate America who don’t realize England isn't our 51st state.

7% are drag queens just looking for fashion tips.

9% are geologists who would normally have to go to the Grand Canyon to see as many crags and crevices as they can see by tuning in to see Camilla's face.

12% are single middle-aged women with way too many cats.

13% are single middle-aged gay men with way too many cats.

18% are the same people who listen to the Rick and Len Show; prison in-mates and elderly shut-ins who are near-fatally starved for any contact with the outside world.

29% are nearsighted horse-racing enthusiasts who have mistaken the procession of the Royal Family members for the number 7 race at Aqueduct.

LEWIS BLACK WITH RICK AND LEN

The great comic and social commentator Lewis Black is coming to the Fox Cities Performing Arts Center May 5th...and he joins Rick and Len at 9:45 Wednesday morning.
For tickets, click here.

IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME

Looking forward to Project Pink this Friday night at the Meyer Theatre in Green Bay. The boys will be doing Floyd's "The Wall", including the wall itself. These guys absolutely nail Pink Floyd.
Buy tickets now because it is likely to be a sell-out.
http://www.ticketstaronline.com/default.asp?ticketstar=22
You should also visit the band's website for a taste.
http://www.projectpinkband.com/

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 4.25.11

April 12th Village of Fox Point
A concrete statue of a pig valued at $75 was stolen from the front steps of a residence on North Poplar Drive. According to police, a note was left at the scene reading. "We have your pig. The pig will die if you call the FBI."

April 13th Village of Omro
Police cited two Waukau Road neighbors with disorderly conduct after a dispute over a garbage can turned physical.

April 20th City of Marshfield
A 69-year-old Nekoosa woman reported a 69-year-old Arpin woman directed profanity at her and pushed her to the ground. The 69-year-old Arpin woman said she did it because the 69-year-old Nekoosa woman wouldn’t move fast enough.

April 18th City of Beaver Dam
A 32-year-old woman came to Beaver Dam Community Hospital with a rat bite. The woman told police she planned to keep the rat that bit her for three weeks until it has babies and then would feed it to her pet snake.

April 13th Village of Omro
Offices referred a 12-year-old to juvenile authorities after his parents called police to report he was out of control and swearing at them.

April 17th Village of Omro
Police responded to Kwik Trip to investigate a report of a suspicious person. According to police, the man reportedly had been asking other customers to buy him things.

April 13th City of West Allis
Police responded to a store where security had apprehended a shoplifter. Officers charged the 45-year-old man with attempting to steal three boxes of Ho-Hos and three boxes of Ding Dongs.

April 22nd City of Wausau
A 38-year-old woman was fined $300 for putting half a box of Ex-Lax in the cookie batter. She left the cookies outside the office of her University of Wisconsin-Marathon County biology professor.

April 21st City of Oshkosh
Police and firefighters were called to a Grand Street residence where a small dog was in distress. The dog's owner said they had been giving the dog a bath when it's paw became stuck in the sink drain. Firefighters were on the scene about 30 minutes using a reciprocating saw and a small cutting tool to remove part of the drain to free the doggie's stuck paw.

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 4.22.11

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week...Joseph W. Murphy of Janesville who has been charged with allegedly bilking a mentally handicapped Sheboygan man out of $30,000. Murphy has quite a history with the law dating back to 1984 when he was first arrested for armed robbery but was given a pardon by then Governor, Tommy Thompson. Murphy repaid Tommy's kindness by calling a press conference to announce he had taken advantage of Thompson. In 2000, Murphy was accused of stealing about $70,000 from his then wife during a quickie courtship and marriage, draining her bank accounts and using her personal information to run up more than $45,000 in debt. He also made news in 1997, when after receiving $50,000 in back benefits, Murphy then reportedly accused the Social Security Administration of not making an effort to protect him from himself which resulted in him gambling it all away.

So,

For being such an enormous tool he should have the words "Snap-On" tattooed across his forehead.

For making his case to be the National Colonoscopy poster boy since he truly is a perfect a-hole.

And for going by the name James, when he should be known as Richard because this guy really is a Dick.

We are proud to name James W. Murphy of Janesville who's accused of bilking $30,000 from a mentally handicapped man (and all that other stuff) as this week’s Rick and Len Show...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!

SNOT NECESSARILY THE NEWS

Keep an eye on her nose!

YOU MIGHT BE TOO OLD TO BE SMOKING POT

Yesterday's 420 rally in Vancouver reportedly drew over 10,000 pot smokers with people reportedly being able to smell the smoke from blocks away. People of all ages gathered at the event. One report said there were pot smokers in attendance from 18 to 88.

88? Seriously? Here are some signs...


YOU MIGHT BE TOO OLD TO BE SMOKING POT

If you can't tell your bong from your respirator...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you go through a half dozen jars of apple sauce a week because it's the only munchies you can eat without teeth...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If your wife's hat is as red as the whites of your eyes...you might be too old to be smoking pot. (or is that the "pinks" of your eyes?)

If you hide your stash by tucking it under one of your spats...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you try to sink up Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd but you can’t find a copy of Dark Side of the Moon that will play on your Victrola...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If your mouth is as dry as your wife's lady business...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you can't get used to using the term "dude" after years of using the term "whippersnapper" and find yourself calling people "dudersnappers" ...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you tell your dealer you want to buy a bag and he doesn't know if you're talking about pot or for your colostomy...you're definitely too old to be smoking pot.

YOUR SURGEON MIGHT BE TOO DRUNK TO OPERATE!

A new study conducted in Ireland (where else?) found that surgeons who get hammered at night are more likely to make mistakes the next morning. Well, no, poop Sherlock! The article in the Archive of Surgery reports that the doctors make more mistakes after a night of heavy drinking because they are either very hung over or in some cases STILL DRUNK when it comes to operate.

As a public service of the Rick and Len Show, here are some sings...

YOUR SURGEON MIGHT BE TOO DRUNK TO OPERATE

If midway through performing your appendectomy, he suddenly can't remember how he got there, what he’s doing or who peed in his pants...your surgeon might be too drunk to operate.

If during your abdominal surgery, he starts getting all handsy with your duodenum...your surgeon might be too drunk to operate.

If the anesthesiologist tells you to start counting backward from 100 and your surgeon is sleeping before you get to 97...your surgeon might be too drunk to operate.

If your hemorrhoid procedure takes twice as long as expected because he keeps singing Baby Got Back into the scalpel like it’s a microphone...your surgeon might be too drunk to operate.

If the longer your open heart surgery goes on, the more frequently he keeps dropping his lit cigarette into your chest cavity...your surgeon might be too drunk to operate.

If he insists on shaving your balls himself...and you're there for an ingrown toenail...your surgeon might be too drunk to operate.

If you went in for a nose job and leave with two nostrils in your penis...your surgeon is definitely too drunk to operate.

CHILLY WILLIE GETTING SILLY

This video of Cookie, the baby penguin giggling as he's being tickled, has gone viral this week with close to two million hits.



Now is it just me, or does the phrase "tickling the penguin" sound dirty? However, it could be a nice substitute for "chocking the chicken". Then again, so could any of these....

10. Massaging the magpie
9. Groping the grouse
8. Stroking the stork
7. Caressing the cardinal
6. Squeezing the squab
5. Rubbing the ruddy duck
4. Pinching the Finch
3. Petting the peregrine or falcon the falcon
2. Titillating the titmouse
1. Snuggling the Himalayan Snowcock

SEEING GEOFF TATE AT THE SKYLINE IS HEALTHIER THAN EATING A BASKET OF CHOCOLATE EGGS!

Skyline Comedy Cafe comic Geoff Tate will bring a big quivering chunk of funny to the Rick and Len Show Friday morning at 8.

See Geoff tonight, WAPL Night, and get 2 for 1 admission. Just mention WAPL when you make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE or enter the letters WAPL where it says "coupon" on the check-out page when ordering tickets here at the new Skyline website.

Geoff will also be doing two shows a night Friday and Saturday at 8 and 10:15 at the Skyline.

Check out this clip of Geoff from Comedy Central!

Live at Gotham

SIGNS YOU MIGHT LIVE IN WISCONSIN

If you've ever used shovels to both plant a garden and remove snow in the same week...you might live in Wisconsin.

If your kids have ever worn snowshoes to an Easter Egg hunt...you might live in Wisconsin.

If the hardest part about clearing snow from your driveway is not getting branches from the trees knocked over by the tornado stuck in your snow blower...you might live in Wisconsin.

If in less than 36 hours, you've ever gone from freezing your balls off to sweating your balls off and back again...you might live in Wisconsin.

If despite needing it to clear your driveway, you’d much rather take your shovel to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania and beat the living crap out of that lying frickin' rodent...you might live in Wisconsin.

And if hearing a forecast of 10 inches of snow this week is the only thing that blows harder than the tornado that hit your home last week...you definitely live in Wisconsin.

THE BUILDING WILL ROCK!

Join The Vic Ferrari Band, Mad Cats and WAPL's Len Nelson this Friday, 4/22 for a great night of rock and roll for a great cause...helping low income elderly and disabled folks do necessary repairs to their homes.
"Building Rocks" gets under way at 7:30 p.m. at Waverly Beach in Menasha. The band Mad Cats opens the show followed by the Vic Ferrari gang.
Tickets are $20 with all proceeds used to rehab at least 20 homes from Neenah to Kaukauna, some of which sustained damage in the recent severe storms. Every ticket purchased gets you a chance to win $1000!
Tickets are available at http://www.rtfv.org/ or at the door.

CONGRATS TO WAMI AWARD WINNERS!

Congratulations to our neighbors in NE Wisconsin who brought home the hardware at the 2011
WAMI Awards this past weekend. Pictured here is WAMI Awards co-host Len Nelson, who showed his indignation that Best Polka Artist was a non-presented category this year by bringing
some polka to the show anyway. One online reviewer called it "Mildly amusing."

LOCAL WINNERS:
-People's Choice (NE Quadrant): Half Empty
-Best Cover Band : Half Empty
-Best Swing/Big Band : Big Mouth
-Best World Beat/Reggae/Ska Artist : Unity
-Best Alternative Artist : Wildbirds
-Best Bassist : Rick LaJeneusse
-Best Country Artist : Nashville Pipeline
-Best Polka Artist : The Jerry Schneider Band

Congratulations are also in order for the 2011 WAMI Hall of Fame inductees. They are John Harmon (Matrix), Howie Epstein (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, John Hiatt, Del Shannon) and

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 4.18.11

April 14th City of Shawano
Authorities received a report of a DNR violation concerning a Tigerton man who, after seeing a bear hit by a car on US 45, picked up the bear and took it to his home to make sure it was okay. A DNR official cautioned the man about the dangers of giving rides to injured bears.

April 8th City of Wauwatosa
A 50-year-old woman nearly struck a security guard's vehicle with her van for the second time in the past few days. During the first incident, her car stalled just before she struck him. The second time, her car came to a stop close to the vehicle and she shouted and waved her arms at the guard before backing up and parking. She told officers that the security guard's vehicle was equipped with a device that turns her car on and off and that it was making her angry. She said the Milwaukee Police Department plays the same tricks on her with its patrol cars.

March 31st City of Menasha
A man reported that he was fishing at Jefferson Park when an unidentified male in his mid-20s approached him and asked for a dollar. The man who was fishing didn't have his wallet with him and the suspicious male left the scene...only to return later and push the man into the water.

April 5th City of Oak Creek
Police were called to a West Sycamore Avenue location where school children were drawing likenesses of genitalia on the sidewalk with chalk.

April 2nd City of Muskego
A woman called police to report that when she looked outside her home, a man urinating on her lawn smiled at her and waved.

April 15th City of Stevens Point
A caller on First Street called police to report that boys her son did not get along with were outside their residence lobbing burritos at their house.

April 5th Village of Fox Point
A 75-year-old man was cited for violation of a sign ordinance after he put up signs in his front yard making negative comments about his neighbors.

April 1st City of Brown Deer
Police pulled over a 41-year-old man with the intent of giving him a warning for speeding 53 mph in a 40 mph zone. While writing the warning, the officer routinely asked the man if he had been drinking, to which he replied, "Obviously." A breathalyzer followed with the man blowing a .153 and was arrested.

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 4.15.11

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenies of the Week...the vandals who using a shovel or shovels, dug over 200 holes in the Whispering Springs Golf Course in Fond du Lac, most of them in the 3rd green. The vandals then carried the turf about 30 yards and dumped all the chunks in a creek.

So,

For committing an act that as makes about as much sense as a quantum physics lecture by Paula Abdul.

For doing as much damage to a golf course with a shovel as our own Joe Calgaro typically does to one with a driver.

And for not just digging A hole but for being A-holes.

We are proud to name the douche nozzles who vandalized the Whispering Springs Golf Course in Fond du Lac as this week’s Rick and Len Show...WEENIES OF THE WEEK!

YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!

There's a story in the news today about a little girl who, Saturday decided to set up a lemonade stand to raise money for her 2 year old cousin's surgeries to repair a life threatening intestinal disorder. The girl raised $130 before the two jack wagons pictured on the left stole her money jar! That right. They stole money raised by a child to help a sick child! What better time to look at ways to tell:

YOU MIGHT BE GOING TO HELL!

If you can name more porn stars than you can name saints (and Drew Brees doesn't count)...you might be going to hell.

If the last time you swore on a bible, it took 6 weeks for the burns on your right hand to heal...you might be going to hell.

If you've broken more commandments than Obama has broken promises...you might be going to hell.

If you've ever used holy water to make the ice for a brandy old fashion...you might be going to hell.

If the only time you've ever kneeled down…was to try to look up a nun's skirt...you might be going to hell.

If you've ever tossed a steak into the street just to watch a hungry seeing eye dog lead a blind guy into a busy intersection...you might be going to hell.

If you laughed at the above mention of tossing a steak into the street just to watch a hungry seeing eye dog lead a blind guy into a busy intersection...you might be going to hell.

And if you've robbed a lemonade stand run by a small girl raising money to save the life of her 2-year-old cousin...you’re definitely going to hell!

THE UNTAMED SHREWS RETURN STILL UNTAMED!!!!

THE UNTAMED SHREWS, Susan Smith and Marge Tackes, return to the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton this week and to the Rick and Len Show on Friday morning at 8am!!!!!

We LOVE LOVE LOVE them!!!!! It's been too long since we've seen these bawdy chicks! The last time they were in town we were in Puerto Vallarta on the 2010 International Incident. Instead, they were on with Ross and made him very uncomfortable by staring at his pooper!

Click here to get your tickets to see THE UNTAMED SHREWS now through Saturday night at the Skyline Comedy Cafe!!!!!!! This is one of the best shows you'll see in a comedy club!!!!!!

(You can tell how funny they are based on the number of exclamation points I've used!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

PENAL INSTITUTION

The week the Phallological Museum in Iceland, (yes, a penis museum!) added it's first human tallywacker to their collection.
Here are some other...

INTERESTING THINGS ABOUT THE PENIS MUSEUM IN ICELAND

10. The main gallery is 60 feet long...40 when it's chilly.

9. When he dies, Tommy Lee is not only giving his to the museum, he's also donating the money to build a wing big enough to display it.

8. After receiving a donation purported to be Michael Jackson's, staff proved it wasn't his since the only fingerprints on it were from adults.

7. Museum has enough room to host two balls.

6. Men visiting the exhibit on history of Jewish penis's must first remove turtlenecks.

5. Most visits to the museum last about 90 minutes. Consult your doctor is yours lasts more than 4 hours.

4. Museum does not have a café but it does have a wiener stand.

3. Admission to the museum is $10 a person but open free to members.

2. Like most of the European male visitors, the sweatshirts they sell in the gift shop are hooded.

1. His American Idol paycheck was not the only thing Ryan Seacrest blew at the museum.

CHEAP LAUGHS WITH SKYLINE AND WAPL

Thursdays are WAPL Nights at the Skyline Comedy Cafe, and now it's easier than ever to enjoy world class comedy on the cheap! A special Rockin' Apple coupon code is available at skyline comedy.com.
It gets you two tickets for the price on one on Thursday night. Just use the code "WAPL" upon checkout and save big. Nothing funny about that!

THE RADIATORS LAST ROUND UP

FISHHEAD ALERT!!!
It's your last chance to see the band Len considers one of the best live bands of all time, The Radiators!
After 33 years, the original lineup is making its last tour, and the closest they'll be to us is at The Cabooze in Minneapolis May 12, 13 and 14.
Len has at least 16 Radiators shows under his belt and will make it one more. They get his highest recommendation.
For more info on the band, its history and to listen to some of their music, click here.
To order tickets, click here or email Todd Baker at tabaker1@msn.com.
Len has turned on lots of people to the Rads' sound and not once, ever, has anyone of them failed to become a big fan.
Make the road trip to the Twin Cities and catch this New Orleans-based American treasure for the last (and maybe your first) time!

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 4.11.11

March 31st City of Waupun
A woman living on Carrington Street caught a live rat in a container and demanded police come over and shoot it. When police explained why they wouldn't shoot it, she said she was going to sue the city.

April 2nd City of Wisconsin Rapids
A man called police because his ex-girlfriend refused to let him leave Perkins Restaurant.

April 3rd City of Beaver Dam
Police received a report about a man acting suspicious outside of Park Avenue Sports Bar. The man was acting strangely inside the restaurant and then went outside and started peaking inside while hiding in a bush.

March 25th City of Glendale
Police were called to a room at the La Quinta Inn occupied by a 42-year-old man and a 21-year old woman on a report of possible prostitution. In the room, police found about $2,000 cash, two boxes of sandwich bags and an unusually large amount of lingerie. The man said he had the cash from his job cutting hair and said the bags were to make sandwiches for the woman although no food was found in the room.

March 30th Village of Bayside
Police and firefighters responded to a report of a child "stuck in a toy". The girl was found caught in the doorway of a plastic play kitchen. The plastic was cut and she was removed unharmed.

March 23rd City of Menasha
Officers were called to a Third Street location where an elderly man had stolen some salt.

March 24th Village of Fox Point
Police were called to a North Seneca Road residence where a man reported a woman who was his ex-girlfriend had thrown a bottle of spaghetti on the carpet.

March 3rd Village of Pulaski
A complainant reported feces and other items scattered in his apartment on West Pulaski Street. A police officer said the complainant appeared intoxicated and looked like he was in a fight. The apartment appeared normal except for the feces on the floor. The complainant said he didn't know how it got there, and no citations were issued.

PAPER TRAINING

I was grocery shopping today when for the first time I noticed something unusual in the TP aisle. Why are there dogs on all the Cottenelle toilet paper packages? Are the fine folks at Kimberly-Clark now attempting to expand their market by promoting their finest toilet tissues for use by canine-Americans? Genius!

What a great untapped market! So much better to wipe their doggie dupas with super soft aloe & E treated two-ply than having them drag their asses across the new carpet. Now, if they can just come up with a way to teach the dogs to use the paper to wipe themselves. Hopefully, they won't leave as many disgusting paper bits on their behinds as those darn Charmin bears.

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 4.8.11

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week...Bryan I. Hutcherson, the Oshkosh man who reportedly let his dog, Snoop, starve to death because "it was becoming too stressful and costing too much money to feed him."

So,

For caring for his dog by the book, assuming that book is How to Raise a Pit Bull by Michael Vick.

For thinking feeding the dog was too costly which will hopefully be nothing compared to the price he'll eventually have to pay for his actions.

And for making me hope that where ever they lock him up, it will be some place where it's just a little too stressful and a little too costly to feed him...other than a steady supply of meat on prison shower night.

We are proud to name Bryan I. Hutcherson, or Oshkosh who reportedly let his dog starve to death because it was too stressful and costly to feed him as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!

COWBELL ALERT!!!!

Will Farrell returns to his first love, the cowbell, in this trailer for the Beastie Boys sequel to their classic 1986 video for (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party!). Also stars Jack Black, Elijah Wood, John C. Reilly, Seth Rogen, Jason Schwartzman, and many more!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBa5qp9sUOY&feature=player_embedded

MICHAEL KOSTA BACK WITH RICK AND LEN!

You seen him on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Chelsea Lately, even his own special on Comedy Central. Maybe you've even heard him on the Rick and Len Show. Michael Kosta returns this week!

See him at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton. Order tickets on-line by clicking here or by calling 920-734-JOKE(5653). But hurry, some shows are already sold out!

And tune in to the Rick and Len Show Friday morning at 8:00 when Michael joins us in the studio for an hour of mirth and merriment!

TOP TEN EFFECTS OF THE POSSIBLE GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN!

EFFECTS OF THE GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN

10. To pay the bills, Vice President Joe Biden will have to return to former job as professional rodeo clown.

9. Interrupted waste disposal at the National Zoo means there will be another site in DC just as full of crap as the Senate chamber.

8. Lack of funds for daily tanning will cause Majority Leader John Boehner's skin to fade from bright tangerine to a muted salmon.

7. President of the United States and most powerful man in the free world will be spotted wandering down Pennsylvania Avenue scavenging for partially smoked Newports.

6. Locked doors at Presidential Libraries will mean many of George W. Bush's favorite books could go uncolored.

5. With no one to process visa applications, terrorists will be stuck having to try to blow up planes in their own countries for a while.

4. Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson will be able to spend more time working on his pet project, digging a hole to China. (Johnson audio: "When you're in a hole, you've got to grab a shovel and start digging.")

3. With out anybody answering the 800 number hot-lines at the National Institutes of Health, there will be no one to tell you you have the wrong number when you misdial your phone sex line.

2. Delayed clinical trials and decisions on regulating new drugs and devices related to public health and safety means Americans may have to go weeks without the introduction of any new boner pills.

1. Will have to temporarily postpone invading any middle eastern countries no matter how much oil they have.

TOO CLOSE TO CALL!

As of 10am this morning, the State Supreme Court race was still only 140 votes apart. 140 votes out of almost one and a half million!

This race is closer than...

A personal injury attorney and a speeding ambulance.

A rolled-up hundred dollar bill and Charlie Sheen's nostril.

65-year-old Dolly Parton's unteathered boobs and Dolly Parton's knees.

Ricky Martin and Ryan Seacrest on free lube night at the Beverly Hills' Manhole.

Governor Scott Walker's nose and financier David Koch's ass.

A tube of Valtrex and Snookie's cooter.

A pair of jockey shorts and Rick's nut sack on a humid day.

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 4.4.11

March 26th City of Franklin
A 37-year-old Illinois man, who was staying at a nearby motel, called police and reported he spent $1,000 on lap dances from two dancers at the On the Border Gentlemen's Club. The man told police that the women promised him they would come to his hotel room later that morning for private lap dances "on the house" but they never showed up and he felt cheated.

March 30th City of Waupun
Police responded to an alarm at the Dollar General store on Main Street. Responding officers found the alarm was triggered by a stray decorative balloon.

March 27th City of Waupun
A woman at the Waupun Citgo said a female pulled up with a baby in the back seat and the baby's hat was covering it's face. She thought police should investigate.

March 25th City of Beaver Dam
A 19-year-old woman on Walnut Street called police to report that her mother-in-law had some of her DVDs and is at work and the woman wanted to watch them now.

March 29th City of Stevens Point
Police were called to Ben Franklin Junior High School where two 13-year-old boys were fighting over whether or not "rednecks suck".

April 1st City of Fond du Lac
An East Second Street resident called 911 to report a fire at his home. The caller told the dispatcher a friend had called him and told him there was smoke coming out of a second story window. Upon arrival at the home, police and fire crews found nothing. That's when the friend called the homeowner back and told him it was an April Fool's joke.

March 12th Village of Howard
A 33-year-old woman was found wearing only her underwear on Tulip Lane. The suspect allegedly drank a few beers, two shots of tequila and a Red Bull with vodka earlier at an area bar. The woman drove her car, got out and damaged the outside property of three nearby businesses on Alta Street while taking her clothes off along the way.

March 31st City of Shawano
Police received a call from a resident indicating that someone on South Franklin Street has a video tape of their birthday party and they are now threatening to put it on You Tube.

March 18th City of Glendale
A 16-year-old girl was arrested for fighting with another girl at Nicolet High School. The fight started after a verbal argument over the correct way to spell and pronounce "twelfth."

EPIC APRIL FOOL'S JOKE

Man turns co-worker's cubicle into a "Princess" bathroom.