PUPPY BUCKET!

Clearly the dumbest thing I've seen in eons was an article I ran across this weekend. A columnist in a Michigan newspaper was concerned that her two aging dogs had not lived fulfilling lives. As a result, she suggested that all dog owners create a "bucket list" of things their pooch wants to do before they die. WTF?

Well, as stupid as that is, here's what might be on your dog's "bucket list" (if you had a dog and if you were bat sh*t crazy enough to make a list for him.)

TOP 10 THINGS ON YOUR DOG'S "BUCKET LIST".

10. Order one of everything off the menu at Lombardi's Steak House.

9. Visit The White House, The Vatican and Buckingham Palace...and drink out of their toilets.

8. Put a tight, gay-ass looking collar around your neck and walk you around the frickin' neighborhood on a leash.

7. To hell with doogie style, would, just once, like to do it missionary.

6. Finally catch that g-damn chuck wagon.

5. Neuter Bob Barker.

4. How about you fetch the stick one time, a-hole.

3. You know that thing you do when you pretend to throw the ball and he runs after it but it's still in your hand? The next time you do that...respond by biting your nuts off.

2. Bang that bitch, Lassie.

1. Sniff a little schnauzer ass!