WHAT TO DO IN BRETT-IREMENT?

THERE'S METH TO FAVRE MADNESS.

NEXT FAVRE FAMILY SCANDAL

10. Sister found locked in Charlie Sheen's closet.

9. Lindsey Lohan and Amy Winehouse found in Brandi Favre's bathtub.

8. Brett appears on Dr. Phil after being found standing on side of highway with cardboard sign that reads "I have god given gift of a golden arm and have fallen on hard times".

7. Sex tape found. Which, since he's from Mississippi, requires the participation of at least one first cousin and/or barnyard animal.

6. Brett arrested shoplifting magnifying lens for camera phone.

5. Sister claims she thought meth in bathtub was just chewing gum.

4. Phone call from Deanna to Brett after she learned about his penis texts make Mel Gibson sound like Mr. Rogers.

3. After being dropped by Wrangler, Brett signs lucrative endorsement deal with Enzyte. ("This is Brett. Brett is doing well. Very well indeed. Brett realized that he could have something better in his life. And what did he get? A big boost of confidence. A little more self esteem. And a very happy misses at home".)

2. Pee Wee Herman tells tabloids Brett actually injured his shoulder giving him a hand in a movie theater.

1. Brother finds lost hikers. Tells one with "purdy mouth" to squeal.

BRETT-IREMENT IMMINENT!

WHAT MINNESOTA VIKING OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR DARRELL BEVELL SAID TO BRETT AFTER HE THREW AN INTERCEPTION THAT MADE HIM SO MAD.

10. "Perhaps you didn't hear the play I called over the sound of the fat lady singing."

9. "Do we need to send three players to your house to talk you into quitting, too?"

8. "Too bad you didn't come to training camp where we discussed the importance of throwing the ball to the guys in the purple uniforms."

7. "You're not just done. You're Vica-done!"

6. "Hey, are the pants the Packers are beating off of you, Wranglers?"

5. "Bet Randy Moss would have caught that one."

4. There is no number 4. Just like yesterday, Number 4 didn't show up.

3. "We're going to miss you, too, Brent."

2. "I'd call you a big dick but I've seen the pictures."

1. "Boy, was Ted Thompson right!"

COCKTAIL FRANK 10.15.10

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Cocktail Frank... alleged tallywacker texter Brett Favre, who as we all know, stands accused of texting pictures of his own cocktail frank to some hot chick.
So,

For texting photos where he is as flaccid as this season's on field performance.

For adding sausage to a menu that previously only included waffles.

For proving that while he may a cannon for an arm, he only has a tiny little cap gun for a penis.

For fumbling his junk, For spiking his ball, and in the end, not "standing up" for his team.

We are proud to name Brett Favre this week’s Rick and Len Show...COCKTAIL FRANK.

(Thanks to Mark Wanek of Two Rivers for his creative contribution to this week's Cocktail Frank)

FAVRE FETCHED?

Yesterday, the website Deadspin released photos that they claim are Brett Favre's penis. You may recall, back in August we told you about Deadspin's claim that while with the Jets, Brett Favre was texting photos of his penis to a former cheerleader turned reporter. According to the report, the woman received several pics from Brett including one were he was wearing a pair of Croqs and pleasuring himself.

WE ARE NOT GOING TO PUT THE PIC ON OUR WEB SITE!

But you can see them by clicking here and watching the Deadspin video...if you must.

Here's a little tune about it...with pictures (but not THOSE pictures!)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AuEuYyfL0o

FAVRE FETCHED OR NOT?

In the interest of fairness, let's examine the claim made by the website Deadspin that Brett Favre texted photos of his penis to cheerleader tuned sports reporter Jenn Sterger while he was with the Jets. Here's are the pros and cons...

They claim you can tell it's Brett because he's wearing the same wristwatch he wore at his first retirement press conference.
Con: It's probably not Brett because hundreds of men probably have the same watch.
Pro: It could be Brett because the watch's big hand is on the 12 and it’s little hand is...throwing an interception.

The woman he reportedly sent the pictures to was a sports reporter.
Con: It's probably not Brett because there were never any reports of him sending pictures of his penis to sports reporters when he was in Green Bay.
Pro: It could be Brett because if Larry McCarren had received a picture of a twisted, fleshy appendage he probably would have assumed it was a photo of his own finger.

In one of the photos Brett is reportedly masturbating.
Pro: It could be Brett because he is kind of a jerk off.
Con: It's probably not Brett, since we've only heard about him having a cannon for an arm, not a penis.

The pictures were supposedly sent while Brett was a member of the New York Jets.
Pro: It could be Brett because he did have regular interaction with the woman in question during that period.
Con: It's probably not Brett because if he was with the Jets and not Minnesota at the time, why does the penis in the picture reportedly have a purple helmet?

One of the pictures reportedly shows Brett groping his genitals.
Pro: It could be Brett because it reportedly does look like it could be his hand.
Con: It's probably not Brett because he’s only holding his balls not throwing them to an opponent’s defensive back.

BRETT FAVRE PENIS SONG

Last week, the website Deadspin claimed that while with the Jets, Brett Favre was texting photos of his penis to a former cheerleader turned reporter. According to the report, the woman received several pics from Brett including one were he was wearing a pair of Croqs and pleasuring himself.

Here's a little tune about it...with pictures (but not THOSE pictures!)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AuEuYyfL0o

NUTS!

FRICKIN' FAVRE AT 50

Here's the new Hyundai ad scheduled to air during the Super Bowl showing Brett accepting the MVP trophy...in 2020.

A TISKET, A CASKET...

No matter if you're looking for the ultimate piece of Brett Favre memorabilia, a creepy decoration for next Halloween, a neat place to store the beer during your NFC Championship Game viewing party, or just a cheap way to dispose of Aunt Myrtle, we've got just the thing.

It's the coffin from this past fall's Funeral 4 Favre. This sturdy wooden coffin, lined in purple and bearing the number 4 on the lid is just the thing. It even has rope handles for easy pallbearing.

The coffin is hand made by Jon Kirk from the Wisconsin Hearse Organization and has been shown in numerous newspaper articles and on many TV newscasts! Professional news photographers have literally crawled over each other to take it's picture! Hundreds, maybe even thousands (seriously!) photographed the coffin while Brett's body (or a reasonable facsimile, there of) lay in it while in state at Tom, Dick and Harrys!

NOW IT CAN BE YOURS!!!!

Call the Rick and Len Show this morning (1.20) between 6 and about 9:50 and place your bid. All the money will go to charity!

UPDATE: Bidding is now closed. The coffin sold for $450.00. The winner will split his contribution between The Red Cross's Haiti relief fund and Children's Hospital.

Thanks to all who participated!

HOLY CRAP! WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY TV?

Yes, that was Len on ESPN 2 Wednesday morning.

Is it just me, or does ESPN's Dana Jacobson appear to think he's nuts? Then again, she's wearing purple!

Take a look for yourself!

7-5-7 HIKE! HIKE!

Football and haiku. They go together like Sheboygan County and bat sh*t crazy!

Finally, there's a web site where you can find all the latest 17 syllable, 3 line Japanese poems about Brett Favre!

Click here to check out FavreHaiku.com!

SILVER LININGS IN THE THE PACKERS' LOSS TO THE VIKINGS

Offensive line should be well rested for Lion's game not having wasted a lot of valuable energy by, you know, blocking.

Team saved hundreds of dollars on costly Gatorade by not creating the need to dump a barrel of it over anybody’s head.

There are guys in San Francisco who'd pay big money to have a big, sweaty man like Jared Allen throw his arms around them and ride them to the ground and Aaron Rogers got that for free all night long. (Not that he seemed to enjoy it)

By allowing Brett to complete 3rd so many down passes, the Packer defense didn't have to wear themselves out running off the field.

If he keeps playing like he did last night, by November 1st game, Brett Favre will be too exhausted from celebrating touchdown passes to even play.

Donald Lee's hands are reportedly "baby soft" after apparently applying generous dollops of cocoa butter to them before 4th and 1 play in the 3rd quarter.

Thankfully, the Packers let Brett Favre "retire" since if a man his age had faced the Vikings with the Packer's current offensive line, today there would be a chalk body outline with the number 4 on the Metrodome turf.

After the game, manufacturers of tar and wholesalers of feathers saw marked increase in sales of their respective products to angry mob massing outside of home of Ted Thompson.

TED THOMPSON'S REAL WORST NIGHTMARE!

This weekend, your local Gannett newspaper ran a column that the Packer's facing Brett Favre was "Ted Thompson's Worst Nightmare". While, I agree, it was certainly a bad dream, I wouldn't say it was his WORST nightmare. This is Ted's WORST nightmare...

It’s January 2031. After quarterbacking the Vikings to 42 consecutive wins over the Packers, zombie Brett Favre, who died on November 1st, 2009 when he accidentally inhaled the toxic fumes from his own burning jerseys before playing the Packers at Lambeau, once again defeats his former team with a miracle last second pass in the NFC championship game before going on to quarterback the Vikings to their 21st consecutive Super Bowl title where they are presented with what was once known as the Lombardi Trophy but has since been renamed the Brett Favre Trophy.

Following the game, zombie Brett Favre announces his retirement, just as he has following each of the previous 20 Super Bowl wins, only to return again the next year and the year after that and the year after that and the year after that winning all Packer-Viking games and all Super Bowls until the year 2064 when the NFL disbands since Favre and the Viking’s domination of the game has left even die hard Minnesota fans bored and disinterested. All of America blames the demise of the NFL on former Packer General Manager Ted Thompson, who’s for the last 27 years of his life had been working at the only job he could find, polishing zombie Brett Favre’s extensive collection of Super Bowl rings and MVP trophies.

Thompson would have been largely forgotten by this time, if it weren’t for the fact that his name has replaced the word “dumbass” in the American lexicon. And that, my friends is Ted Thompson’s worst nightmare!