REASONS JAY CUTLER LEFT THE GAME IN THE 3RD QUARTER.
10. Those big, nasty men in the green, white and yellow kept trying to knock him down.
9. Had just got word Hot Topic had one day only sale on Twilight brand man-scara.
8. Had tickets to four-o-clock showing of the new Ashton Kutcher movie.
7. All that running around and throwing the ball thing was getting kind of, you know...boring.
6. Broke a nail.
5. Was still nauseous from watching that American Idol guy perform at half time.
4. Worked all season to develop that world class, sidelines pout. Wasn't going to let it go to waste.
3. Learned Terry Bradshaw was at the game not Carrie Bradshaw and was so depressed he wasn’t going to get to talk about fashion with the chick from Sex and the City, he just couldn’t continue.
2. Had to pick up Speaker of the House John Boehner for their weekly Weepers Anonymous meeting.
1. Had to go to the training room to get vinegar IV in order to maintain status as world class douchebag.