CEREAL FLASHER!

There was a story in the news today about a woman and her young daughter who were shopping in a the cereal aisle of their grocery store when some jerk exposed himself to them. What would someone do such a thing in a place as wholesome as the cereal aisle, surrounded by all those healthy grains? There must be a reason...maybe even ten!

REASONS THE GUY WAS EXPOSING HIMSELF IN THE GROCERY STORE CEREAL AISLE

10. Just showing off his Grape Nuts.

9. Thought she might be looking to get her hands on his Lucky Charms.

8. Mistook her for Mikey and, as we all know, he'll eat anything.

7. He was rubbing himself until he "snapped, crackled and popped".

6. Thought the woman was hungry for his Crunch Berries.

5. Was just offering the woman his "breakfast of champions".

4. Had two more shriveled, raisins he wanted to add to the bran.

3. Just airing out his Fruity Pebbles.

2. Was flashing the daughter because silly perverts think dicks are kids.

1. He's a Fruit Loop.

WORLD CUP PICK!

Check out this video of German coach Jogi Low enjoying a snack at the World Cup!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA803thhgA0

V.I.P. TICKETS (VERY INFLATED PRICES!)

This week's issue of Rolling Stone Magazine has an article about the special V.I.P. tickets many music performers are selling at premium prices to their shows this summer. For instance, for just shy of $1900.00 you can get a ticket to see Bon Jovi. For your money, you get a seat in the first few rows (that you get to take home with you), access to an open bar and a photo-op with Jon Bon's mic stand. Seriously! His mic stand!

Here my ideas for some other V.I.P. ticket packages some performers could offer...

OTHER VIP PERKS AT CONCERTS

For $1600 a ticket, Rolling Stones fans get seats close enough to view the final remains of Keith's father...in his left nostril.

For $200, Amy Winehouse fans, get a ticket in the first 10 rows and 3 rocks of crack to smoke with the singer before, after and during the show.

For $700, Ozzy fans get great seats and a meet and greet where you'll get to have a one on one chat with Ozzy. However, for $2000 they’ll include an interpreter.

For $500, Stone Temple Pilots' fans get seats close enough to the stage to see the fresh track marks on Weiland's arm while he sings about "when he USED to take drugs".

For $300, those going to see Britney Spears, will get a front row seat, ear plugs and a handy box Rid body lice killing shampoo.

For $600, ZZ Top fans will get to sit in the first row and will be allowed to snack on any morsels of uneaten food and the occasional small woodland creatures they find in Billy and Dusty's beards.

For $400, Lady Gaga fans will get a seat close enough to the stage to see her penis.

And for $5.00 a ticket, Hole concert goers get a seat in the front row. However, for $2,000 you get a seat far enough from the stage that you can't actually see Courtney Love's face.

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 5.29.10

June 8th City of Green Bay
Police received a report of a 26-year-old woman on Strawberry Lane who allegedly damaged three picture frames, punched a hole in the wall and threatened to kill herself. The woman reportedly lost her temper during an argument over her decision to get a marijuana leaf tattooed on her body.


June 12th City of Neenah
Police were called to a Denhardt Avenue residence where a Neenah man reported that another Neenah man was swearing at him and threatening him for being in the shower too long.

June 8th City of Chilton
Police were called to a Military Road residence where a caller reported that someone was holding her property and would not return it. The property involved were cats, ferrets, and a rollaway bed.

June 8th City of Menasha
Police received a report of a drunk man falling off a bar stool on Tayco Street.

June 11th City of Fremont
A resident on North Street reported the theft of 20 lawn gnomes from their yard.

June 1st Village of Buchanan
A Hunter Street resident called police to report a neighbor had mounted camera on top of their birdhouse and pointed it at the reporting party's residence, presumably to spy on them. Investigating officers found the camera was actually… an anti-barking device.

June 2nd City of Chilton
A male subject was cited for trespassing when he was found passed out in the men's bathroom at Morrisey Park in possession of 5 cans of Bud Light and a Weed Eater.

June 19th City of Fond du Lac
A woman called police to report she was walking with a male friend at South Main and Seventh streets when a GMC pickup truck drove by and someone within the vehicle sprayed urine on her. The woman did not see the perpetrator. However, she told police the fluid was likely sprayed from a bottle.

June 11th Village of Bellevue
Authorities stopped a man after he was allegedly seen talking to and waving at a pine tree at the intersection of Allouez Avenue and River Pines Road. The man said he actually was talking to a woman hiding in the tree. Investigating officers found a 20-year-old woman in the tree. She told them she was there because she had just had an argument with her boyfriend.

June 26th City of Sturgeon Bay
A resident called police to report they believed their neighbor had stolen he light bulb from their garage. Responding officers went to the neighbor’s home at 1:30am to question them about the missing light bulb. The officer reportedly told the neighbors, "I know if you did it you probably wont admit it but I need to tell you to not steal their light bulbs anymore."

THE BEST F$#%ING SONG IS THE ONE THAT CAN WIN YOU AN IPOD NANO!

Click on the icon above to enter your choice for THE BEST F$#%ING SONG OF ALL TIME and why it is THE BEST F$#%ING SONG OF ALL TIME. If we choose your entry between now and July 16th (and play it about 9am) you'll get in the drawing for an iPod Nano.

ALICE COOPER UP CLOSE AND PERSONEL

Starting Monday morning, join us for the Rick and Len Show and your chance to win seats in the Waterfest Dungeon for Alice Cooper's Theater of Death.

The Waterfest Dungeon has the "best view" seats for Alice's Wednesday July 14th show at Waterfest on Oshkosh!

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 6.25.10

We are proud to name former Wisconsin assemblyman and current state senate candidate Frank Lasee, who, according to one of our listeners, took a leak in the backyard of the home of a Chilton woman after leaving a campaign flier in her mailbox.

So,

For apparently not understanding that just because you're running for senate in District 1 doesn't mean you’re entitled to go number 1 in any potential constituents yard.

For reportedly not understanding that just because you’re a Republican, it don’t mean you have to be a G.O.P'er.

For apparently being full of urine when traditionally politicians are full of crap.

For apparently not realizing that you can't just pee anywhere you want in Chilton. I mean, it's not Fond du Lac for god sake.

And for allegedly peeing in yard after leaving a flier in her mailbox leaving her to thank her lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.

We are proud to name Frank "Leaky" Lasee as this week’s Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!


We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Cocktail Frank...Painter Mike Sandmire from Neumann Company in Romeoville, Illinois who, when painting the 6-foot high letters on the new water tower in Stoughton this past week, forgot the second "T" .

So,

For being a sign painter who is bad at spelling...which is a little like being a chef who's bad at cooking, a carpenter who's bad at building or a politician who's bad at lying.

For at least getting 8 of the 9 letters correct which is really far more than we should expect from a FIB.

And for doing something that was idio-ic, no- smar- and frankly, s-upid, s-upid, s-upid...

We are proud to name Mike Sandmire as this week's Rick and Len...COCK-AIL FRANK.

BRILLIANT!

Mike Stanley will join Rick and Len Friday morning about 8.

You can see him in person at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton this weekend. Make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE. Trust me, he's brilliant!

What, you don't trust me? SCREW YOU!!! Then take a look at this clip and see for yourself.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_xwDhhw9Y0

POOP BIG FOR DADDY!

Comedian Mike Merryfield joined Len and Ross on the Rick and Len Show and during his appearance he got this photo sent to him by his wife. Seems that, for the first time, his little boy managed to successfully hit the potty training chair with his load. And all of this happened on their wedding anniversary. Oh happy day!
By the way, Mike's three-year-old must weigh 100 pounds to make something like that!

DRESSES FROM BETHIE

Appleton comic Mike Merryfield is a son of a bitch, but his Mom is pretty cool. She's busy sewing dresses for little girls who are victims of the massive earthquake in Haiti and she needs your help.
If you sew or if you have material you could donate, click here.

WITH BEA ARTHUR AS DOROTHY Z-PORN-ACK?

What do you think? Worst idea for a porn ever...or the best? (Video is safe for work!)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVSIV2TwMj4

SEXUAL CONGRESS

There's a new website that randomly pairs members of congress and you vote for who's "sexier".

While it's clearly a sign of the apocalypse, give it a click!

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 6.21.10

June 6th City of Glendale
A resident on North Ames Terrace reported someone entered his garage and stole five cases of expired Wrigley's gum.

June 14th City of Beaver Dam
A man called police to report that someone had broken out a basement window from his home on Fourth Street to steal some water bottles.

June 12th Village of Allouez
A 24-year-old man, who claimed he was in the Army, threw a planter through the front door window of Residence Inn. The man said he broke the window because he was locked out his room and the front desk clerk would not open the door.

June 1at Town of Menasha
A female resident on Wheeler Road reported finding a man sleeping in the back seat of her car. Officers made contact with the 31-year-old man, who said he was trying to get home from a party and couldn't remember how he had gotten to the area or where he was. Police gave the man a ride home.

June 16th City of Beaver Dam
Police responded to an anonymous report of a boy on Spring Street riding a homemade scooter being pulled by dogs.

June 4th City of Menasha
A woman on Third Street reported that her 29-year-old daughter was causing problems again, and she wanted something done about it.

June 10th Village of Winneconne
A 49-year-old Maple Street resident called police claiming someone entered his unlocked home and turned on a kitchen faucet full blast to flood his apartment after he left for work. When police arrived on the scene they found the caller, who was intoxicated, calmly sitting at a table eating potato chips with water everywhere. He was intent on filing a report so his landlord would not blame him for the damage.

June 15th City of Oshkosh
Police received a phone call from an extremely upset tenant of an East Irving Street duplex who discovered a slithering four-foot long corn snake while she was doing laundry in her basement.

June 13th City of Waupaca
Police responded to a report of a pine tree behind the Gateway Senior Housing that appears to be burning. Responding officers found a man in the act... of roasting marshmallows.

WORST...MOTHER...EVER!!!!!!!

WARNING: NOT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART OR STOMACH. Check out this video of a mother teaching her children proper strip club behavior!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9a2zPlcV-s

WIN STAR WARS DVDS, CDS AND IN CONCERT TIX!

This coming week, everybody who wins one of our Rick and Len Show contests or has their tune chosen as The Best F$#%ing Song of All Time will get into a drawing for tickets to see Star Wars In Concert at the Resch Center July 3rd and all 6 Star Wars DVDs and all 6 Star Wars soundtrack CDs.

Buy your tickets by clicking here.

And behold the shear, unadulterated awesomeness of the production in this video!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BG9TCmw3uKA

Click here to enter your Best F$#%ing Song of All Time!

PUT A BANG AND A BRAT IN YOUR 4TH OF JULY!

In the week ahead, tune into the Rick and Len Show to win one of our BANG AND A BRAT prize packages that each include a $25 gift certificate from Fat Cat Fireworks AND a Big Ass Brat.

How big is a Big Ass Brat? Would you believe 7 pounds, 16 inches long and 4 inches in diameter? There's about 50 servings per Big Ass Brat! Click here to order your own Big Ass Brat or Big Ass Hot Dog for your Independence Day weekend!

And make sure you check out their very informative (and hilarious) commercial below.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfA_L_zfqiU

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 6.18.10

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...60-year-old Lloyd Pitzen of Oshkosh, a registered sex offender who has been banned from the Neenah Public Library after some patrons reported him allegedly lurking about, staring at children and fondling himself. Pitzen faced accusations of similar behavior at the Neenah Public Library back in December.

So,

For actions that could have made the library's "decimal system" even more "Dewey".

For not understanding that just because it may have been children's story time, that's no excuse for him Jack'n the Beanstalk.

And for not borrowing any books from the library but still checking out Moby Dick.

We are proud to name Lloyd Pitzen of Oshkosh, only the 3rd person in 22 years to get banned from the Neenah Public Library as this week’s Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!

VOTE ANNEX TO OPEN FOR KISS!

You can help get northeast Wisconsin's Annex into an opening slot at the Kiss concert September 2nd at the Marcus Amphitheatre!
Click here to vote. As of 6/17, Annex was in the lead but not by much.

DANIEL KINNO RETURNS TO THE RICK AND LEN SHOW

Daniel Kinno, the funniest comic to ever come out of Minsk, Russia (as far as we know) joins us Friday morning at 8 on the Rick and Len Show. See Daniel at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton. Tonight: WAPL night for god sake! WAPL NIGHT! So, get off your lazy ass and head to the Skyline. Just for making the effort, you'll get 2 for 1 admission. Just mention WAPL when you make your reservation at 920-734-JOKE.

If you hate saving money, see Daniel on Friday or Saturday. It'll be full price...and full of laughter! (and even full price is frickin' cheap!)

Here's a taste:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eD5alwpj7i8

OIL JOB!

SURPRISES IN LAST NIGHT'S OBAMA SPEECH ABOUT THE OIL SPILL

10. Spent the entire speech chain smoking Newports.

9. Announced he was putting Vince, the Shamwow guy, in charge of the clean up.

8. Challenged BP head Tony Hayward to naked oil wrestle him in the Gulf.

7. Made inappropriate joke about the size of his tar balls.

6. Admitted the reason the Gore's have split is he's banging Tipper like a cheap gong.

5. Referred repeatedly to Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh as "Sweet Lips" and "Thunder Thighs".

4. Tried to distract nation from the on-going crisis by getting Joe Biden to shoot an old man in the face.

3. Spent nearly 40 minutes giving out fast and easy recipes for petroleum soaked clams.

2. Held up an oil soaked wad of paper. Claimed it was his birth certificate.

1. Admitted "No, we cant".

PICTURE OF THE YEAR!

And couple of the year!

"HE HAD BEAUTIFUL HAIR!"

This morning, we were talking about a reported Bigfoot sighting in Cleveland County, North Carolina. Here's the full news report featuring the eyewitness report of the guy who thought the Bigfoot "had beautiful hair".


http://www.wcnc.com/home/Big-Foot-spotting-in-Cleveland-County-96348919.html

OILS WELL!

Did you hear, BP is putting a wedding ring on the pipe that keeps spewing the oil in the Gulf? It's the only they can think to get it to stop putting out.

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 6.14.10

May 15th City of Chilton
An assist was requested on Chestnut Street where a caller told police a man was lying on the ground near the fire hydrant. He looked like he was asleep, but the passerby didn't want to check.

May 16th City of Appleton
A Rosebud Lane caller reported to police that a can of chopped chicken was thrown on their son's car.

June 1st City of Menasha
A woman reported that someone wrote "UR GAY" with a "clear-type liquid" on the north exterior wall of her duplex.

June 9th Town of Trenton
An elderly man reported seeing two large unexploded bombs in a farm field off of Cortes Road. When officers arrived on the scene, they found the bombs to be two large bottles...one filled with water and the other...with Pepsi.

May 11th city of Wisconsin Rapids
A caller reported a man spray painting a house near the intersection of 12th Street South and Chestnut Street. He painted the word "garage" on the house but apparently left before painting the word "house" on the garage.

May 13th Town of Menasha
Officers were sent to a residence on Bonheur Court on a loud noise complaint. They observed several people inside, but no one answered the door. It was learned that there were several juveniles in the home and officers contacted a parent, who also refused to allow officers to enter. Officers contacted the residents the following day and an 18-year...old male was issued a citation for...making a loud noise.

June 12th City of Wisconsin Rapids
Police received a report of a dead body lying along the shore of the Wisconsin River. By the time police arrived, the body had apparently gotten up and walked away.

TWISTED SISTERS

Police in Uganda say they are investigating the origins of a huge marijuana crop found in the garden of a convent.

Police officials said investigators discovered a marijuana plantation covering an entire acre of land in the gardens of the convent.

One of the nuns was quoted as saying that the marijuana was used as "a health treatment for the convent's pigs" and other farm animals.

As a public service, we at the Rick and Len Show have come up with the signs that...

THE NUNS AT YOUR CHURCH MIGHT BE DEALING

If that thing on their heads isn't their only nasty habit...the nuns at your church might be dealing.

If every time the priest burns some of their special "incense" more people take communion just because the have the munchies...the nuns at your church might be dealing.

If the special incense smells remarkably like sensemillia...the nuns at your church might be dealing.

If the priests with the red, watery eyes are Father Cheech and Father Chong...the nuns at your church might be dealing.

If the beads on their rosaries look suspiciously like seeds...the nuns at your church might be dealing.

If the angels you have heard on high, ARE high...the nuns at your church might be dealing.

If at communion, they’ve swapped the body and blood of Christ for the brownie and blood of Christ...the nuns at your church might be dealing.

If instead of the sermon being about how "he who is without sin may cast the first stone" the priest sermonizes that "he who is without sin may be the first to GET stoned" ...the nuns at your church might be dealing.

If the scripture they're always quoting seems to be chapter 4 verse 20...the nuns at your church might be dealing.

If their holy water fountain sounds like a bong...the nuns at your church might be dealing.

And if they claim their acre of pot is for "treating pigs"...the nuns at your church are definitely dealing.

Be part of the Copper Box DVD shoot

Join the Fox Valley's Copper Box at Waterfest in Oshkosh this Thursday, June 17th as they shot video for the band's first ever DVD.
Click here to get a great deal from Copper Box and Waterfest...a copy of the DVD and free admission to the show!
Get there early with your dancing shoes on! Copper Box plays at 7 p.m. followed by The Little River Band!

FU BP 2

For an amusing look at the BP mess, check out this video from the Upright Citizens Brigade.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AAa0gd7ClM&feature=player_embedded

FU BP!

If this photo doesn't piss you off, I'm not sure what does.

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 6.11.10

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...Joleen Stupar of Sheboygan who was arrested after she was found slumped over the steering wheel of her parked mini van with a blood alcohol level of .39, nearly five times the legal limit...and her 3-year-old child in the back seat. Stupar then reportedly threatened to kill the officer who was taking her to the hospital for a blood draw. When he explained the reason for the blood draw was to see if she was intoxicated, Stupar responded, "Oh I’m intoxicated. I'll tell you that much!"

It was Stupar's THIRD DUI...ALL with blood alcohol levels of over 0.3.

So,

For driving her 3-year-old around while acting about as responsible of a 2-year-old.
exactly!

And for violating the first rule of Wisconsin parenting that when you're driving your children around drunk, you can only be as many times over the legal limit as the child's age.

We are proud to name Joleen Stupar of Sheboygan as this week's Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!

BECOME PART OF COMEDY HISTORY

Though, to be honest, I doubt you're going to get mentioned in your grandchildren's history text book. Tonight through Saturday night Jessi Campbell will be appearing at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton and she'll be recording the shows for her upcoming CD. She's one of a number of comic that have recorded CDs at the Skyline in recent months.

Why? Because Skyline audiences are smart enough to laugh in the right places!!!!!

Tonight is WAPL night. Mention that when you make your reservation at 920-734-JOKE and those crazy bastards at Skyline will give you 2 for 1 admission! SERIOUSLY!!!

If you don't like saving money, see Jessi Friday or Saturday night at Skyline. Mention WAPL when you make your reservation for either of those nights and those crazy bastards at Skyline will give you 1 for 1 admission! SERIOUSLY!

And make sure you tune into the Rick and Len Show Friday morning around 8 to hear Jessi. It may be the closest Rick gets to a real, live human female this year, so you don't want to miss that.

Here's a little sample of Jessi Campbell to tide you over....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqg3XHrrwyE

FROM ALASKA TO SILICONE VALLEY

A number of people are claiming that Sarah Palin has gotten breast implants. Here's a pick from last year on the left and a picture of her taken at the Belmont Stakes last weekend on the right.

What do you think? did she or didn't she?

KIDS DRINK THE DARNEDEST THINGS

http://www.twitvid.com/WUH7D

WHOOMP, THERE HE IS...OR IS HE?

What do you think? Some say that you can see a 30-ish Barrack Obama in the 1993 video for one of the most annoying songs ever, Whoomp, There It Is by Tag Team. Take a look. The Obama-ish guy can be seen at the 1:01 mark.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-FPimCmbX8

HMMMMM.....

This is the actual cover of the current issue of Vermont Catholic magazine, the monthly publication put out by the Diocese of Burlington.

Some pictures just don't need captions.

TAKE A WII WITH RICK AND LEN!

Tune into the Rick and Len Show in the week ahead. All R&L Show contest winners will get into a drawing to win a Nintendo Wii System with both Wii Sports and the new Wii Sports Resort!

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 6.4.10

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week...20-year-old Dillon Makuski of Amherst who, this week, was convicted on charges relating to a burglary back in September. According to the police report, Makuski broke into a home because he likes to wear diapers and thought there might be some in the house. While searching Makuski, a deputy allegedly found six dirty diapers in his pockets, along with a large diaper he was wearing. Makuski told the deputy he got the diapers from a different house that he did not break into.

So,

For stealing dirty diapers instead of dirty panties like any real self-respecting pervert.

For claiming he got the diapers from a home that he didn't break into which is an explanation that might be as full of crap as the pilfered Pampers in his pockets.

For being an adult who wears diapers making him just a set of suspenders away from being Larry King.

We are proud to name the dirty diaper desperado, Dillon Makuski as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week!

OILS WELL THAT ENDS WELL

GAWKER.com found something interesting. There is a website called "Help a Reporter Out" where journalists can turn to other journalists looking for help on troublesome stories. This week, a reporter at CNN turned to the site looking for help on a story he was working on about "The Good Side of the Oil Spill". Well, isn't he Mr. Glass Half Full!. I was amused by some of the suggestions made by readers on Gawker.com and took some of their suggestions and added a few of my own to compose this list of...

THE TOP TEN GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE GULF OF MEXICO OIL SPILL

10. Promotes less energy use by discouraging vacations to Florida and the Gulf Coast.

9. Provides Dawn dish-washing liquid with the perfect green ad campaign.

8. Allows rainbows to occur ON the ocean, rather than above it.

7. Orthodox Jews will be less tempted to eat shrimp.

6. Will save scientists indexing and cataloging all the species living in the gulf a lot of time.

5. Increased bird viscosity for maximum performance!

4. One good hurricane and nothing on the gulf coast is going to squeak or rust for years.

3. Finally some great porn quality photos for oil-covered sea-lion fetishists.

2. Providing much needed lubrication for gay pelicans.

1. If the oil continues to flow, it could cover the entire ocean, killing off all marine life eventually leading to the to the extinction of man saving us from having to ever again watch CNN.

THREE OLD MEN AND A WOMAN WITH DADDY ISSUES?

Tom Selleck announced this week that they're working on a new sequel to the 1980's hit THREE MEN AND A BABY. Just what the world has been waiting for. They apparently talked about doing the sequel 5 years ago but at the time, Steve Guttenberg said he was too busy. Really? Really? Really??????


To the best of my knowledge, the last time Steve Guttenberg was busy...

Pam Anderson was still an A-cup.

It was still possible to tell Joan Rivers from the Crypt Keeper.

Rick Ocasek was having hits with The Cars, not parking them.

Don Majkowski was still asking his barber, "how do you think it would look if you cut it short in front and left it long in back"?

Kirstie Alley was getting thong modeling offers.

A hit by Bobby Brown referred to a song not a contusion on Whitney Houston.

Tom Mahoney owned a comb.

Elton John was straight, Michael Jackson was black and Rick Astley was cool.

Beetlejuice still referred to a movie starring Michael Keaton not the contents of Paul McCartney's colostomy bag.

WHERE NOBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME

ESQUIRE Magazine has just put out their annual "Best Bars in America" issue. As a sidebar, they list some signs you are in a bad bar. For instance, if all the bartenders are wearing name tags. I couldn't agree more. However, here's the Rick and Len shows own...

SIGNS YOU'RE IN A BAD BAR

If not only does the beer smell skunky, so do several parts of your waitress...you might be in a bad bar.

If you can't hear the jukebox over the sound of Ugly Betty blaring from the television...you might be in a bad bar.

If you can't hear the jukebox over the sound of ugly Betty, while she’s waiting on tables...you might be in a bad bar.

If the only tunes on the jukebox are Vanilla Ice's greatest hits...redone by Celine Dion...you might be in a bad bar.

If the glasses are as filthy as a Lindsey Lohan pap smear...you might be in a bad bar.

If all their top shelf whiskeys are Wal-Mart store brand...you might be in a bad bar.

If it's packed with more douche bags than the dressing rooms on The View...you might be in a bad bar.

If the only dark brown liquor in the place, is an African-American lesbian...you’re definitely in a bad bar!

DUMB, DRUNK OR STONED...THE VIDEO VERSION

This is not the way you're supposed to fly out of the Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport. Check out this driver trying to depart the parking lot at the D-FW Airport in a real hurry early Tuesday morning. What do you think? Was she dumb, drunk or stoned?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWk4MCQaHrc&feature=player_embedded
Answer: Police believe she was drunk!

DAVID HUNTSBERGER WITH RICK AND LEN

Who the hell is David Hunstberger, you may be asking yourself. Unless, of course, you're like me, and you're asking yourself, "Why is this sharp pain shooting up my left arm?" I'm sure it's nothing.

David Hunstberger is the guy you can see tonight, WAPL night, I might add, at Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton. What's so damn special about WAPL night, you ask? (Damn, you ask a lot of questions!) Well, on WAPL night, you get two for one admission. Make sure you mention that when you make your reservations at 920-739-JOKE.

If you can't make it tonight, see David Friday or Saturday nights at 8 or 10:15, but it's going to cost you full price (which is still pretty damn cheap!)

Hear David tomorrow morning round about 8 o-clock on the Rick and Len Show. And make sure you check out this very timely clip of David Huntsberger in action. Doing comedy that is. What were you thinking? Sicko!


http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/watch/HumansVsEarth

(Is it just me or, if when you look back on this post, does it look like I just came from a half-price sale on commas!)

GLOBE WARMING, MARRIAGE COOLING!

After 40 years of marriage, Al and Tipper Gore announced yesterday that they're calling it quits. They say they've just "grown apart". But what are the real reasons? Here's our top ten:


REASONS WHY AL AND TIPPER HAVE SPLIT

10. Tipper discovered an inconvenient truth...Al was banging Bombshell McGee.

9. After 20 years, Al just wants to be able to listen to 2 Live Crew in his own house, for god sake.

8. All Al's proof of global warming has done nothing to keep Tipper from becoming frigid.

7. Every time Tipper enumerates the many reasons she loved him, Al would demand a recount.

6. Al thinks he can watch porn on-line 24-7 just because he invented the internet.

5. Unresolved issues after Tipper pawned the Nobel Prize trophy Al received for his work fighting global warming and used the cash to buy a Hummer.

4. Al never got over the fact that during their famous kiss at the 2000 Democratic convention, he tasted Bill Clinton on Tipper's lips.

3. Al started blaming global warming on Tipper's menopausal
hot flashes.

2. Tipper was just sick of him referring to her lady parts as the "lockbox".

1. Not really sure why they're breaking up, but you can bet your ass that whatever Al wins in the divorce settlement, the Supreme Court will award to George W. Bush.

BOOB SCARF

Oh, the wonders of the internet. You can now buy a scarf that once wrapped around your neck, gives you a pseudo boob job!

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 6.1.10

May 23rd Village of Howard
Police were called to Woodman's Grocery Store where an 80-year-old woman on an electric scooter was cited for shoplifting Super Poligrip denture adhesive.

May 17th City of West Allis
Police were called to the Pick 'n Save where a 64-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting wrinkle cream.

March 20th City of Portage
A 20-year-old man was cited for urinating in public after he was spotted relieving himself into flower pots in front of the Hair Lair salon.

May 19th Village of Winneconne
Police investigated a report of a violation of a restraining order. The woman who filed the order told police her ex-husband had phoned her twice and called her "Lucifer".

May 23rd City of Beaver Dam
A man called police to report his ex-girlfriend was yelling at him while they were shopping at the Dollar Tree.

May 22nd City of Beaver Dam
A man on North Lincoln Avenue called police to report that a dog had urinated on his couch. The couch was outside for a garage sale when the dog ran up and relieved himself on it. Police made contact with the dog's owner who returned to the residence and cleaned the couch.

May 11th City of Brown Deer
A video game system and bowling balls valued at more than $600 were taken from a car on North 50th. The car's owner heard his car alarm but didn't call police at the time...because he was tired.

May 23rd City of New Berlin
A 22-year-old man was arrested for disorderly conduct after pushing a television off of a dresser at his girlfriend's residence. The man told police he did it out of anger because he and his girlfriend had gotten into an argument over what radio station to listen to.

May 23rd City of Wauwatosa
A television and a DVD player were taken from an apartment on Eagle Street. The victim told police he later received a phone call from a person who said, "Thanks for the 32-inch TV," then hung up.