V.I.P. TICKETS (VERY INFLATED PRICES!)

This week's issue of Rolling Stone Magazine has an article about the special V.I.P. tickets many music performers are selling at premium prices to their shows this summer. For instance, for just shy of $1900.00 you can get a ticket to see Bon Jovi. For your money, you get a seat in the first few rows (that you get to take home with you), access to an open bar and a photo-op with Jon Bon's mic stand. Seriously! His mic stand!

Here my ideas for some other V.I.P. ticket packages some performers could offer...

OTHER VIP PERKS AT CONCERTS

For $1600 a ticket, Rolling Stones fans get seats close enough to view the final remains of Keith's father...in his left nostril.

For $200, Amy Winehouse fans, get a ticket in the first 10 rows and 3 rocks of crack to smoke with the singer before, after and during the show.

For $700, Ozzy fans get great seats and a meet and greet where you'll get to have a one on one chat with Ozzy. However, for $2000 they’ll include an interpreter.

For $500, Stone Temple Pilots' fans get seats close enough to the stage to see the fresh track marks on Weiland's arm while he sings about "when he USED to take drugs".

For $300, those going to see Britney Spears, will get a front row seat, ear plugs and a handy box Rid body lice killing shampoo.

For $600, ZZ Top fans will get to sit in the first row and will be allowed to snack on any morsels of uneaten food and the occasional small woodland creatures they find in Billy and Dusty's beards.

For $400, Lady Gaga fans will get a seat close enough to the stage to see her penis.

And for $5.00 a ticket, Hole concert goers get a seat in the front row. However, for $2,000 you get a seat far enough from the stage that you can't actually see Courtney Love's face.