Friday, March 26, 2010
THE REASON PIZZA CUTTERS AREN'T SHARP ENOUGH TO SLICE YOUR WRISTS
Yesterday, someone posted a link to what they called the... Saddest. Book. Ever. on Fark.com. While I couldn't agree more, I was reminded of a product I first discovered in my grocer's freezer case a few years ago that is clearly the... Saddest. Food Item. Ever! And it's made right here in our area.
It's Orv's Party For One Pizza.
Seriously? Party For One?
Now, first off, the title is a bit misleading. Unless the pizza comes with a bottle of hand lotion and a coupon for a free month of the Spice Channel, it has no right being called a "Party for One".
But sweet Jesus could the name be any more depressing?
Here are the only other food products I can think of that would be as sad as Orv's Party for One Pizza. (If you don't see them on your grocer's shelves, ask for them by name!)
Nobody Will Ever Love You Macaroni
You're Friends Are All Laughing At You Behind Your Back Cottage Cheese.
You Will Die Cold and Alone In A Puddle of Your Own Sick Grape Soda.
It Will Be Weeks Before Anyone Finds Your Body Clam Chowder.
Your Ex-Girlfriend Has Told Everybody About the Time You Couldn't Get It Up Spaghetti Sauce.
The Older You Get the More You Look Like Ron Howard's Creepy Brother Canned Peaches in Heavy Syrup.