SURPRISES IN LAST NIGHT'S FIRESIDE CHAT BY GOVERNOR WALKER
10. To demonstrate the direness of the state's financial situation, delivered the speech wearing only an old barrel.
9. Made a couple jokes about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in what is believed to be an attempt to land the hosting job for next year’s Golden Globes.
8. Announced plan to lure Democratic senators back to the state by promising them a free rub and tug at Appleton's Heavenly Touch Massage Parlor.
7. Delivered the speech after being carried into the Governor’s office in a large fiberglass egg.
6. Despite calling it a "fireside chat", the only thing burning was his intense man love for Senate Majority leader Scott Fitzgerald.
5. He inadvertently kept referring to the Wisconsin 14 as the Dave Clark 5.
4. Revealed the real reason he left college without a degree was an intense allergy to sheepskin.
3. Admitted that due to lack of funds, his plan to acquire an actual personality had to be put on the back burner for another two years.
2. While there was no actual fire during his "Fireside Chat", after finishing the speech he did spend about a hour toasting marshmallows over a large pile of burning union contracts.
1. He admitted for the first time that the real cause of the deficit is he bet a billion on the Steelers in the Super Bowl.