VIRGIN MIRTH

A shrine in Champion, 16 miles north of Green Bay has been designated by the Catholic Church as a place where the Virgin Mary appeared. But that was back in 1859. A lot has changed round these parts. Here's the the top reasons:

WHY THE VIRGIN MARY SHOULD RETURN TO THE GREEN BAY AREA

10. She could wait for Elvis to also appear and they share a ride on the Zippin' Pippin.

9. She could help defeat the forces of evil and vanquish the satanic minions...when they come up to Lambeau from Chicago on January 2nd.

8. She could perform the world's greatest miracle by creating a hat big enough for Tom Milbourn.

7. What better way to observe the birth of her son than winning something nice on the Rick and Len Wheel of Christmas Wonder.

6. Maybe she could head down to Sheboygan and heal that guy's tongue.

5. If she can polish off the 93 ounce Gilbert Burger at Champion's Sports Bar she gets a free autographed picture of former Packer Gilbert Brown. (Actually, I'm not sure they're still doing that at Champion's, but don't tell her that until she eats the whole burger!)

4. Could get drivers on 41, 43, and 172 to use their directionals and drive the speed limit and that, my friends, would be a miracle.

3. She's been known to heal the lame, and what could be more lame than the WIXX morning show.

2. Just as Jesus fed the multitudes with just a loaf of bread an a couple fish, she could feed everyone at Paul's Pantry with just the meat from Guy Zima's pants.

1. It would be many locals first opportunity to see a virgin.