PRIZE 'STACHE!

The finalists have been named for the 2010 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year Award. Seriously! Among the finalists are TV personality Pat O'Brien, Twins pitcher Carl Pavano, and film maker Morgan Spurlock.

Give me a break! How could they overlook former Calumet County District Attorney Ken Kratz? Now that's a man with a serious mustache who made serious headlines in 2010. Here's our own list of...

REASONS KEN KRATZ IS DESERVING OF THE ROBERT GOULET MEMORIAL MUSTACHED AMERICAN OF THE YEAR AWARD

10. Has thickest 'stache of any political figure with the obvious exception of Janet Reno.

9. It wasn't easy digging up Freddy Mercury and transplanting all that hair.

8. Has twice as much hair on one lip as Britney Spears has on 4.

7. Crumbs of food that are trapped in his "stache, the only thing remotely as gross as thought of dating Ken himself.

6. It's big and bushy and not pencil thin like his chances of ever getting another job in the legal profession.

5. Has accomplished what was believed to be impossible, supplanting Mike Ditka as nation's biggest mustachioed douche-bag.

4. If his mustache is badly beaten by one of the other contestants, he’ll probably start sending it suggestive test messages.

3 . Should he be disbarred, may have to start supporting himself giving nickel mustache rides to lonely women with strong stomachs.

2. Pat O'Brien may be the tall, hot, nymph but Ken is THE PRIZE, and don't you ever forget it!

1. It takes more than just balls to invite a woman to an autopsy for a date. It takes balls and one gay-ass looking mustache.