Wednesday, March 9, 2011


This week, Dish Network subscribers lost FOX 11 in a dispute between WLUK's owners and the satellite provider. Most people assume it's all about money. However, I've heard that Dish Network is looking for certain non-monetary concessions from FOX 11.


10. The station must agree to no longer broadcast images of Tom Milbourn during hours when small children or Dish Network customers with low gag thresholds are watching.

9. Must agree to compensate any cable viewer whose television is damaged by their confused dog dry humping it during audition rounds of American Idol.

8. Must add 50 African-American reporters in effort to balance out the sheer, extreme ultra-whiteness of Pete Petoniak.

7. During Packer post game shows, must provide competent professional translator to inform Dish Network viewers what the hell Johnnie Gray is talking about.

6. Must make show Living With Amy more interesting by each week, having a different Green Bay Correctional Facility convicted sex offender actually live with Amy.

5. Dish Network customers who become contestants on Wheel of Fortune must be allowed to purchase vowels at 80% of the market value.

4. FOX 11 must agree to, each week, randomly draw a name of a Dish Network subscriber who will be given a chance to use a large sock of manure to try to slap that stupid, grin off Drew Smith's face.

3. Dish Network subscribers will be e-mailed the correct answers to all Jeopardy questions at least 24 hours before broadcasts so they can memorize them and look smart when watching show with non Dish Network customer friends.

2. The station must agree to cover all funeral expenses of Dish Network subscribers who die of boredom during local Packer post game show.

1. Good Day Wisconsin will no longer be allowed to call itself Good Day Wisconsin on days that clearly suck the big one. (like today!)

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