September 17th City of WaupunA 30-year-old man was taken to the hospital after he told employees at the Walgreen's that vampires were trying to rip his head off. Walgreen's employees told police that the man had red marks on his neck and was sweating and acting anxious.
Now that we have our first evidence that they are in our area, as a public service, we assembled this list of signs that the person you meet might be a vampire!
If the person you encounter sucks even harder than the Chicago Bears...they might be a vampire.
If their skin is whiter than a Tea Party rally...they might be a vampire.
If their breath is reminiscent of what it would smell like if Kaukauna had an ass...they might be a vampire.
If their mouths are dripping with blood…and they weren't just hunting with Dick Cheney...they might be a vampire.
If they have a fear of water and smell like death and they're not the bride at a Menasha wedding...they might be a vampire.
If they meet Salma Hayek and they're more interested in her neck and than her boobs, her glorious, glorious boobs...they might be a vampire.
If they feast on human blood and suck the souls of the newly born...and they're not Larry King...they might be a vampire.
If their overall demeanor is even creepier than a date with Ken Kratz...they're definitely a vampire!
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