Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Fifty of the nation's wealthiest people recently had their annual rich bastard's meeting. At least 10 billionaires (with a "B"!) were in attendance at this year's Blackstone Group meeting. According to to reports, the mood was downbeat, even gloomy. Yes, the recession has taken it's toll on America's billionaires, poor things.

Hey, turn that frown upside down, Mr. (or Ms.) Money Bags! And let us take a look at the top ten...


10. Surgeon General has warned that the cigars they've been lighting with hundred dollar bills could be hazardous to their health.

9. They've developed painful blisters on fingertips from repeatedly tapping them together while mumbling, "excellent".

8. They learned that Obama-care fails to provide medical coverage for injuries sustained while rolling around on beds covered with large piles of dirty, sexy money.

7. They've been spending too much time in their gloomy ass bat cave with their sad bastard manservant Alfred.

6. Due to meddling by the Food and Drug Administration, they can no longer legally buy Baby Gold Bond Powder made from real gold...and real babies.

5. They're sure if the seemingly never ending supply of bosomy blonds with asses you could bounce quarters off lining up for an opportunity to bang them like a cheap screen door are just interested in them for their money.

4. They hate the dirty looks they get for taking up 5 spaces with their stretch limo in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

3. Billions inherited from family's famed hotel empire can't change the fact that their daughter's a coke addled whore. (Richard Hilton only)

2. Due to rising inflation, cost of having a business rival tortured and killed 4.3% higher than at this time last year.

1. They were informed that Lamborghini is still no closer to producing a high performance car that runs on an enriched mixture of beluga caviar, Cristal champagne and the crushed dreams of the working poor.

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