Tuesday, September 21, 2010

GIVES A NEW MEANING TO TAKING A DATE FOR A STIFF ONE

Well, the big news in the Ken "The Prize" Kratz story today is that a woman is now claiming the embattled Calumet County D.A. once took her on a date at a Green Bay restaurant and that during the meal "The Prize" took several phone calls from detectives investigating the disappearance of a person who was later found to have been killed. The woman claims that "The Prize" discussed details of the investigation with her that had not been revealed to the public.

The woman also says that Kratz later sent her a text in which he invited her to go with him to an autopsy, provided she would be his girlfriend and would wear high heels and a skirt.

She says she met Kratz through a dating service. I'm guessing, E-ewwwwwHarmony.com.

The other development is that Kratz, while refusing to resign, has decided to take medical leave. Gee, I wonder what's wrong with him?

Here's some possible medical conditions afflicting "The Prize".

Nymph-amania: A neurological condition that results in sufferers excessive use of the word "nymph".

Hypersensitivity to Acetic Acid: An allergic reaction to vinegar brought on by being such an enormous douchebag.

AIDS: Contracted from oral contact with his own gay-ass mustache.

Tennessee Tux-ocity:
a rare congenital disorder where a person's own body starts poisoning itself out of shear embarrassment upon learning that it looks like Chumley, the cartoon walrus from the 60's cartoon series Tennessee Tuxedo.

Cream of the Cropophilia:
A delusional disorder where the sufferer believes himself to be a prize when, in fact, that's only true if the prize is for biggest, steaming hot turd.

Inflammation of the digiti primus:An infection of the thumbs caused by excessive texting alternating with sitting around with them both up your ass while you should be writing your resignation.

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