STICKING POINTS THAT ARE HOLDING UP THE NFL'S COLLECTIVE BARGAINING AGREEMENT.
10. Teams want the establishment of lottery system to decide order in which players get to bang the next available Kardashian sister.
9. Players Association opposed to new "Three strikes and you're out rule" which would require Brett Favre to actually stay retired after third retirement.
8. Minnesota Vikings demanding to be allowed to change title of "Quarterback" to "Guy who hands ball to Adrian Petersen".
7. All players want cut of profits from new flavor of Gatorade made from Jay Cutler's and T.O.'s tears.
6. Packers demanding additional health care benefits to cover any hernias sustained lifting their hands while wearing those ginormous Super Bowl rings.
5. Teams demanding Player Association pay part of cost of psychiatric care for next owner crazy enough to sign Randy Moss.
4. After spending summer vacationing in France, Chad Ochocinco wants to be allowed to change name to Chad Quatre-Vingt-Cinq.
3. Super Bowl organizers must agree to replace crappy half-time show with something all fans will enjoy...like slowly feeding Cowboy's owner Jerry Jones into an enormous meat grinder.
2. Players want owners to install make-up mirrors in locker room to make it easier for their quarterback to apply his eyeliner. (Chicago Bears only)
1. Next season, Ben Rothlisberger is demanding to be allowed to rape TWO women!