REASONS JAY CUTLER CALLED OFF HIS UPCOMING WEDDING TO MTV STAR KRISTIN CAVALLARI
10. Caught her wearing his mascara.
9. Couldn't walk all the way down the aisle without re-injuring knee.
8. They couldn't decide on a gown...or which one would get to wear it.
7. Found out that unlike the team he plays for, she doesn't suck.
6. Was afraid people would see him cry in church which wouldn't be manly the way it is on a football field.
5. He couldn't find a garter in Bears' colors and his size.
4. Realized they weren't really compatible when he learned she has a vagina.
3. Only store they could register at was Bed Bath and Beyond All Comprehension Why This Guy is a Starting NFL Quarterback.
2. While they didn't know what they were going to receive that was "something old, something new or something borrowed" the something "blew" was what he did to his team's chances of winning the 2011 NFC Championship game.
1. What? Jay Cutler quit on something. Say it ain'’t so. Next thing you’re going to be telling me is Amy Winehouse didn't die of natural causes!