GRAPH THE BEATLES

With Paul McCartney's big shows tonight and tomorrow night at Wrigley Field, it seems like a good time to take a look at Graphjam.com's funny Beatles graphs.

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 7-29-11

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenies of the Week...20-year-old Jordan Cardella of South Milwaukee and his two buddies Anthony Woodall and Michael Wezyk. Cardella convinced his friends to shoot him with a rifle so that his ex-girlfriend would feel sorry for him and take him back. Even the prosecutor called this "the most phenomenally stupid case I've ever seen". And Wezyk's attorney agreed, saying he was "sorry to bring something so stupid into (the judges) courtroom".

So,

For getting his buddy to shoot a hole in his arm...which should go perfectly with the hole he must have in his head.

For coming up with a plan so dumb, Jordan, Michael and Anthony should change their names to Moe, Larry and Curly.

And for proving that a shot in the arm with a syringe may treat a virus but a shot in the arm with a rifle is no cure for a broken heart.

We are proud to name Jordan Cardella, Michael Wezyk and Anthony Woodall of South Milwaukee as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIES OF THE WEEK!

COCKTAIL FRANK 7.29.11

Some week's we have more than one really good Weenie of the Week Candidate (and this week we had several). Occasionally, we name a runner up, someone not quite a big enough weenie to get the full title. They're a smaller weenie. They're our Rick and Len Show COCKTAIL FRANK!

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Cocktail Frank...Sheboygan Mayor Bob Ryan who reportedly fell off the wagon HARD earlier this month, getting drunk at two bars during an alleged weekend bender in Elkhart Lake, getting into what police are calling a "scuffle" with another patron and hassling women, two of whom allegedly flashed the mayor, but not until after he was passed out on the bar.

So,

For not realizing that Elkhart Lake bars are no place to mix politics and alcohol. That what the Kennedy Compound is for.


For falling off the wagon so many times, it's amazing he doesn't have wheel track marks across his chest.

And for not understanding that as a politician, he's supposed to be passing out favors not passing out on the bar.

We are proud to name Sheboygan Mayor Bob Ryan as this week's Rick and Len Show…COCKTAIL FRANK!

PIECE OF MASS

Dallas police busted this guy this week for allegedly running a sex club that he claims is a church. The "church" reportedly had porn playing on big screen televisions, topless dancers, and condom-stocked VIP rooms with beds. Here are the ways to differentiate between a sex club and a real church.

If a lot of people seem to be on their knees but none of them are actually praying...it might not be a real church.

If there are no hymns playing despite the presence of many available organs...it might not be a real church.

If the only time someone calls out the name of god, it's while they're having an orgasm...it might not be a real church.

If that wasn't holy water you just got sprayed with...it might not be a real church.

If "the host" you’re expected to put in your mouth isn't a communion wafer but rather, the guy running the party...it might not be a real church.

If the priest isn't the only one getting some action...it might not be a real church.

If you see a woman with beads that are not a rosary because nobody in their right mind would put a rosary where she just had those beads...it might not be a real church.

If there are plenty of people getting nailed but none of them to a cross...it's definitely NOT a real church!

OFF HIS ROCK-ER

A guy in Sweden is receiving support from the Swedish government for having a psychological because he suffers from an addiction to Heavy Metal. Here's some of the signs you too may have a heavy metal addiction.

If you spend so much time going to concerts you hardly ever see your daughters Lars, Slash and Yngwie...you might be addicted to heavy metal.

If you were almost late for your own wedding because you couldn’t decide which black t-shirt to wear...you might be addicted to heavy metal.

If you've ever been injured moshing at a baptism...you might be addicted to heavy metal.

If you flash your metal horns at a concert so often, you end up wiggling your fingers more than a woman having sex with Rosie O'Donnell...you might be addicted to heavy metal.

JAY WALKING!

REASONS JAY CUTLER CALLED OFF HIS UPCOMING WEDDING TO MTV STAR KRISTIN CAVALLARI

10. Caught her wearing his mascara.

9. Couldn't walk all the way down the aisle without re-injuring knee.

8. They couldn't decide on a gown...or which one would get to wear it.

7. Found out that unlike the team he plays for, she doesn't suck.

6. Was afraid people would see him cry in church which wouldn't be manly the way it is on a football field.

5. He couldn't find a garter in Bears' colors and his size.

4. Realized they weren't really compatible when he learned she has a vagina.

3. Only store they could register at was Bed Bath and Beyond All Comprehension Why This Guy is a Starting NFL Quarterback.

2. While they didn't know what they were going to receive that was "something old, something new or something borrowed" the something "blew" was what he did to his team's chances of winning the 2011 NFC Championship game.

1. What? Jay Cutler quit on something. Say it ain'’t so. Next thing you’re going to be telling me is Amy Winehouse didn't die of natural causes!

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 7.25.11

July 15th City of Manitowoc
A 22-year-old man was arrested on an alleged strangulation charge. According to police, that man's girlfriend poured water on him in an effort to wake him up as he was sleeping on the bathroom floor and she needed to use the restroom. The man reportedly awoke and grabbed her by the neck.

July 17th City of West Allis
Police responded to a report of a male being stabbed. When police arrived, a male victim told them he had not been stabbed, but rather, his fiancee grabbed his scrotum and pulled it, causing an injury. The male victim was taken to Froedtert Hospital to stitch his detached scrotum.

July 12th City of Portage
Offices responded to a report of a disturbance. A 76-year-old man allegedly punched another man in the mouth. He was reportedly angry that the other man had opened a window.

July 16th City of Portage
Police stopped a vehicle for not having headlights turned on. The 17-year-old driver was arrested on a tentative charge of operating while drugged after he told them he smoked marijuana before going to see a "Harry Potter" movie.

June 26th City of Neenah
Police cited a 20-year-old man for shoplifting after he stole a $60 pair of Nike shoes from a department store on Green Bay Road. The man told police that he didn't think it was a big deal since all of his friends take shoes.

July 13th Village of Elm Grove
A woman on Blue Ridge Boulevard reported that four teenagers wearing costumes knocked on her door and, when she answered, said "trick or treat". She believed this was suspicious since it is the middle of July.

July 12th City of Oak Creek
A 20-year-old man told police he was assaulted by two men who stole his gold necklace and his bag of McDonald's cheeseburgers.

July 12 City of Brown Deer
A 45-year-old man was arrested for drunken driving after he was found hunched over his steering wheel with motor running. The man had vomit on his face and hands. When asked when he threw up, the man looked at the officer in "disbelief" saying it wasn't vomit, it was food.

July 20th City of Portage
Police arrested two women who reportedly swore at each other during a disturbance at Wendy's.

June 26th City of Neenah
The staff at a hotel at Cameron Way reported that a guest cracked a flat-screen television in a room. The room also… had vomit in it.

July 12th Village of Elm Grove
A woman reported that an MP3 player was taken from an unlocked car. A note left in the car stated: "Lock your doors hunny (sp), thanks for the iPod." An acquaintance of the woman later admitted had taken the music player to teach her to lock her car doors.

July 12th City of Oak Creek
Police were called to the South Shore Cinema where an 18-year-old man snuck into a movie he did not pay to see. When theater personnel and police tried to eject him, he shouted profanities and refused to leave his seat, forcing police to physically remove him from the theater. The disruption caused the movie to be stopped and all the patrons were refunded the ticket price.

July 11th Village of Winneconne
A couple on Lincoln Avenue called police to report that upon awakening around 6 a.m. they found a man in his underwear standing in their bedroom. They yelled at the man and he ran out the patio door and onto a screened porch. The couple continued yelling and the man left. Police tracked him down through a neighbor of the couple who said the underwear clad man knocked on his door and asked for a ride and the man obliged. When police spoke to the intruder he told them he'd been at a tavern and couldn't remember much of what happened after he left the place. He did not remember removing his clothing or entering the Lincoln Avenue home. When he awoke in the morning he went looking for the bathroom and wound up in the bedroom of people he did not know. They yelled and he ran.

WIN TIX TO SEE PAUL MCCARTNEY AT WRIGLEY!

Join us next week for the Rick and Len Show and your chance to win tickets to see a true living legend...Sir Paul McCartney at Wrigley Field!!!!!!

Rick and Len, 6 to 10 only here on the Rockin' Apple!

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 7.22.11

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week...the Appleton cop who shut down the lemonade stand run by a pair of 9 and 10 year old girls. The cop and police chief have since apologized indicating that they had misinterpreted a new ordinance enacted by the Appleton City Council.

So,

For providing his own competition to the lemonade stand by leaving a sour taste in all our mouths for free.

For proving that in Appleton, when life gives you lemons, you make...lemon bars, lemon nut biscotti or a nice lemon meringue pie, anything but lemonade because, if you do, you’re just asking for trouble.

For apparently thinking the intent of the Appleton City Council when they wrote the new ordinance was to crack down on greedy, opportunistic, money-grubbing 9 and 10 year old girls...which, now that I think about it, given the history of the Appleton City Council, really isn't that far-fetched.

We are proud to name the Appleton cop that shut down two little girls lemonade stand as this week's Rick and Len Show...Weenie of the Week.

(BENNY) HILL STREET BLUES

Gee, whiz, all somebody did was take some video from a 4-year old attempted escape from the Albany (NY) County jail and set it to a well known song (and sped it up a little). And now, the folks who run the jail have their panties in a wad. See if you can figure out why they don't like it.

http://www.timesunion.com/news/article/Benny-Hill-behind-bars-1482617.php

JR BROW

There's high brow comedy. There's low brow comedy. And there's JR Brow comedy. JR returns to the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton and this Rick and Len Show this week.

He'll be with us in the studio at 8am to bring the funny.

And what better way to beat this week's heat than with some cool comedy and one of those big, fruity-ass umbrella drinks?

See JR Brow tonight, WAPL Night and get 2 for 1 admission. Click here to get your tickets on-line or call 920-734-JOKE (5653) to make your reservations old school.

And to find out what JR thinks of northern Wisconsin strip clubs, check out this clip.


http://youtu.be/YFw2McFNfUI

NFL: NATIONAL FOOTBALL LIMBO

STICKING POINTS THAT ARE HOLDING UP THE NFL'S COLLECTIVE BARGAINING AGREEMENT.

10. Teams want the establishment of lottery system to decide order in which players get to bang the next available Kardashian sister.

9. Players Association opposed to new "Three strikes and you're out rule" which would require Brett Favre to actually stay retired after third retirement.

8. Minnesota Vikings demanding to be allowed to change title of "Quarterback" to "Guy who hands ball to Adrian Petersen".

7. All players want cut of profits from new flavor of Gatorade made from Jay Cutler's and T.O.'s tears.

6. Packers demanding additional health care benefits to cover any hernias sustained lifting their hands while wearing those ginormous Super Bowl rings.

5. Teams demanding Player Association pay part of cost of psychiatric care for next owner crazy enough to sign Randy Moss.

4. After spending summer vacationing in France, Chad Ochocinco wants to be allowed to change name to Chad Quatre-Vingt-Cinq.

3. Super Bowl organizers must agree to replace crappy half-time show with something all fans will enjoy...like slowly feeding Cowboy's owner Jerry Jones into an enormous meat grinder.

2. Players want owners to install make-up mirrors in locker room to make it easier for their quarterback to apply his eyeliner. (Chicago Bears only)

1. Next season, Ben Rothlisberger is demanding to be allowed to rape TWO women!

I DON'T RECOGNIZE HIS FACE BUT HIS NECK SURE "RINGS" A BELL

Packer Sam Shields has used his lock-out downtime effectively. By getting a tattoo of his Super Bowl ring on his NECK! Wouldn't it be easier to just wear the ring?

WIN WIDESPREAD PANIC TIX!!!

Widespread Panic is doing three nights at the Riverside Theatre in Milwaukee Oct. 20-22 and it could be one of the last chances to see them live for quite some time. The band will be going on "indefinite hiatus" after the current tour.
Rick and Len will have chances to win tickets to each of the shows over the next couple of weeks.
To buy tickets (only $35.50 general admission), click here.

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, DON'T MAKE LEMONADE UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET SHUT DOWN BY THE APPLETON P.D.

OTHER THINGS APPLETON POLICE COULD BE DOING INSTEAD OF SHUTTING DOWN LITTLE GIRLS' LEMONADE STANDS. (Like they did this weekend!)

10. Bust kids who draw chalk hopscotch grids on sidewalk for illegal graffiti.

9. Keep an eye out for children singing, humming or whistling, making sure they’ve paid proper licensing fees for their performance of any copyrighted material.

8. Impose restraining order on children playing tag requiring them to stay at least 500 feet from kid who is "it".

7. Cite kids who don't wash hands immediately after picking their noses with municipal health code violations.

6. Bring assault with a deadly weapon charges against any children caught in the act of playing dodge ball.

5. Arrest kids playing cops and robbers for impersonating a police officer.

4. Call FBI to report four kids playing marbles for conspiracy to gamble.

3. Be on the look out for children who’ve violated city recycling statutes by using wastepaper to make airplanes.

2. Issue citations for practicing medicine without a license to any children found playing "doctor".

1. Charge children who step on cracks with assault for breaking their mothers' backs.

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 7.18.11

July 9th City of Wauwatosa
Police responded to a report that someone had rearranged the letters on the marquee at the Rosebud Cinema. The promotion for movie "Captain America" was changed to "Cap Anal Erica," which owners thought might be a threat to shoot a woman named Erica.

July 12th City of Clintonville
Police warned a man on 12th Street about operating his riding lawnmower on the sidewalk.

June 7th City of Green Bay
Officers responded to a report that three youths outside Southwest High School were tossing potatoes into traffic.

June 30th Village of Allouez
A 25-year-old man was cited for running nude in the area of Allouez and Webster Avenues. The man allegedly told officers he ran nude because he saw someone else do it so he thought it was OK.

July 1st City of Chilton
Police were called to a building on Memorial Drive at 2:51am where a shirtless man wearing shorts with stripes was doing push-ups in the parking lot.

July 2nd City of Glendale
A 30-year-old woman was arrested for drunken driving, driving after suspension and hit and run. The woman at 3am going 50 miles-per-hour in a 35 zone, driving without lights, with one shredded tire and a shattered windshield. The woman denied being in an accident but could not explain why she was covered in windshield glass.

NOW THAT'S A MUG SHOT!

A 29-year-old Two Rivers man, Cory P. Smits, was found guilty last week in Manitowoc County Circuit Court of his fifth-offense operating while intoxicated.

Gee, drink and driving for the 5th time. Who'd expect this guy to make bad decisions?

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 7.15.11

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...Tyler Kosmoski, the owner of the Diamond Factory, a Ashwaubenon jewelry store, who allegedly took in customers items for cleaning or repair or to sell by consignment only to turn around and pawn the items before fleeing the area. Police say they have received at least 75 complaints concerning missing items valued at $100,000 and growing. Police finally tracked Kosmoski to the Wausau area after his vehicle was found stuck in a forest near Rib Mountain. He was arrested there Wednesday night after a foot chase.

So,

For at a time when a competitor "wants to be your jeweler" instead prefers to "want to be your felon".

For going from selling 14 karat gold bracelets, to himself, sporting a pair made from a far less precious metal.

For going from selling earrings to 'earing the words "you're under arrest".

And for allegedly committing acts that could result in him being sentenced to spending up to 10 years in a place where the only jewels he’ll be getting close to will be those of an overly affectionate cellmate.

We are proud to name runaway Ashwaubenon jeweler Tyler Kosmoski as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIE OF THE WEEK.

LAST CHANCE TO GET YOUR HANDS ON SOME BALLS!

It's your last chance to get a ball (or balls) for the Great American Ball Drop. At the conclusion of the Rick and Len 2 Putz Golf classic tomorrow we'll drop golf balls from a helicopter. If the ball with your number on it comes closest to the target, you get $1000. Many other great prizes like iPods and stuff.

Get your ball(s) or more accurately, your ball number now by clicking here or stop at any area Community 1st Credit Union location. It's $10 for 1, $25 for 3 or $50 for 7!

All the proceeds benefit the Red Cross and stay right here in our area.

Don't wait! Your chance to win is running out! ORDER NOW!

ANDY WOODHULL THIS WEEK AT SKYLINE!

The VERY funny Andy Woodhull is appearing this week at Skyline Comedy Cafe. See him tonight, WAPL Night and get 2 for 1 admission. Click here to get your tickets on-line or call 920-734-JOKE (5653) to make your reservations old school.

And Andy will join us Friday morning at Mid Valley Golf Course to bring a little of the funny to the Rick and Len Two Putz Golf Classic!

Here he is in action!


http://youtu.be/2bCxRuZ8IVA

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND CREATOR DIES....AMAZING!

Sherwood Schwartz, the creator of Gilligan's Island, died this week. As you may or may not know, you can sing the lyrics to Amazing Grace to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme. Try it yourself. What a fitting tribute!

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
and Grace will lead me home.

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 7.11.11

July 3rd City of Manitowoc
A 21-year-old woman called to report that she bought a 20-pack of beer the previous evening and set it on the porch of her south-side home. When she went back to check, the beer was gone. On Sunday morning, the woman found the case had been returned with empty beer bottles and a thank you note scrawled on it. She told police she was upset and asked if a DNA test could be done to find out who drank her beer.


July 4th Town of Lamartine
A woman on Fairview Road called the Fond du Lac Sheriff's Department after she saw a 63-year-old man working outside his home naked. The woman said the man had no clothes on when he picked up a hose and put it back on a reel. A sheriff's deputy reported the man was cooperative when he was informed to either change his behavior or put up a high fence.

June 21st Village of Hilbert
A welfare check was requested at a Stephan Avenue residence where there was reportedly an open grill with flames shooting out in a front yard and young child was riding a bike around the grill without clothes on.

July 8th City of Wisconsin Rapids
An anonymous complaint was received by police regarding a couple in their 60s at the Wisconsin Rapids City Zoo drinking alcohol in front of the lemurs.

June 7th City of Green Bay
A 25-year-old man was cited for unlawful use of a telephone after threatening his girlfriend's assistant manager at a local restaurant. The man reportedly often calls the girlfriend at work and got upset when the assistant manager told him to stop calling and that his girlfriend was dead.

July 1st Village of Winneconne
Police cited a 22-year-old man for disorderly conduct after he spoke profanely to a Main Street convenience store clerk when she refused to sell him cigarettes because he could not produce an ID. When confronted the man admitted to speaking profanely. He told police he had gone to the store to purchase cigarettes for an intoxicated friend.

June 6th City of Green Bay
A 20-year-old Kastle Park employee was cited and fired after allegedly overcharging customers for mini golf and pocketing the extra cash.

June 15th Village of Sherwood
Police received a report from a Spring Hill Drive resident that someone was ringing doorbells and running off. Extra police patrol was provided.

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 7.8.11

http://youtu.be/hq1BmHXsaqM

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week...

Marinette Mayor Robert Harbick, who was arrested last weekend for drunk driving after leaving a fast food restaurant parking lot and smashing into a light pole...at 3:45 p.m.! Police say his blood alcohol level measured more than point-two-four percent.

So, for running over a light pole assuring he was the only thing lit up on Marinette’s streets that afternoon.

For besmirching the image of lovely little Marinette so badly that you can actually hear them snickering over the border in Menominee.

For inadvertently changing Marinette's tourism slogan from "Your City By the Bay" to "Your Mayor Under the Influence".

And for cranking the Commodores on his car radio... "You’re once, twice, three times the limit."

We are proud to name Marinette Mayor Robert Harbick, accused of driving poop-faced drunk into a light post as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week!

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 7.1.11

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...well, first let me say this, earlier this week, we had the story of a man in Fond du Lac who had to be rescued by firefighters after he got his hand stuck while trying to retrieve a Snickers Bar from his car's gas tank. Afterward, we received a number of e-mails from listeners indicating that this poor guy should be Weenie of the Week. Really? You think he should be the Weenie? Wasn't he just doing what anyone else would do if they found someone had jammed a Snickers Bar into their gas tank? Seriously, what would you do in that situation? Leave it in there and see what kind of gas mileage it gets? So, I say "Nay!" This unfortunate Fond du Lacian is not the weenie. No! He is the victim! So, we would like to proudly name as this week’s Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week...the jack wagon who jammed the Snickers Bar in this guy’s gas tank in the first place? Who does a thing like that?

So, for jamming something in a tight space where it doesn’t belong...an act they themselves could end up on the receiving end of should they be apprehended and sent to prison.

For apparently thinking the guys car was running like Betty White.

So, for seeming believing that there are now four grades of gasoline; regular, premium, unleaded and NOUGAT!

We are proud to name whomever stuck the Snickers Bar in the guy's gas tank in Fond du Lac (or as I like to call them, "The Bad Snicker Jammer of Fond du Lac County" ) as this week's Rick and Len Show...Weenie of the Week!