10. Helped stoke fire they're using to heat up the infinite supply of white hot pokers they’ll be sticking up is butt.
9. Had private parts slathered with gravy before being sent out to walk Satan's pit bulls.
8. Watched dinner being prepared by hell's chefs Ed Gein and Jeff Dahmer.
8. Polished chair on the right hand of Satan reserved for Dick Cheney.
7. Killed some time watching Hitler being eternally circumcised with world's dullest knives.
6. Spent several hours working in hell's laundry room, washing and drying Satan's personal supply of Chicago Bear jerseys.
5. Tried to tune out the blood curdling sounds of millions of lost souls crying out in wretched agony only to find it was just that Miley Cyrus in concert this weekend singing Smells Like Teen Spirit. (If you haven't heard it yet, click here!)
3. Had a long chat with Nixon.
2. Reserved long johns and parka just in case Vikings should ever win a Super Bowl.
1. Desperately tried to change the radio station , but it's forever tuned to 101.1.