Disgraced former Winnebago County D.A. Joe Paulus got sprung from federal lockup this week. Since we're pretty sure he was disbarred, it's going to hard for him to find another job where he can bang women on his desk. Plus, he still has to pay back over $48,000 in bribe money. What will he do? We've got some ideas.
JOBS FOR JOE PAULUS
10. Professional man whore. ("I was porking her and I'm loving it!")
9. Desk strength tester at Office Depot. ("I was porking her I and I'm loving it!")
8. Commercial spokesperson for McDonald's ("I'm loving it!")
7. Commercial spokesperson for Soap on a Rope.
6. There is no number 6. I accepted $48,000 in bribe money to skip number 6.
5. Ken Kratz legal adviser and/or new district attorney for Calumet County.
4. President of the United States. (Hey, the sex and the office desk thing worked for Clinton!)
3. Aerobics instructor given all the experience he must have gotten bending over and touching his toes every week for 6 years in the prison shower.
2. Opening course preparer for local restaurant since I'm sure he must have tossed a few salads in prison.
1. New Dallas head football coach since, after 6 years in prison he surely learned, like the Cowboys did last Sunday night, what it's like to be the bitch to a large group of physically imposing men.