A new airline is launching this month. Jet America will be offering fares for as low as $9.00. Yes, $9.00!!! From places like Newark, New Jersey to Toledo, Ohio. So you see, $9.00 may actually be over-priced!
But here's our signs that you're flying a cut-rate airline!
If you're not allowed to board the flight unless you can prove you've brought enough cash for your seat belt rental...you might be flying a cut rate airline.
If your plane can't land until the "ground crew" harvests a couple more rows of corn...you might be flying a cut rate airline.
If during sudden decompression of the cabin, the masks that drop down are ones left over from last Halloween...you might be flying a cut rate airline.
If, before boarding, instead of scanning you for metallic objects with high tech magnetic imaging equipment, the security agent just whacks you several times with a rusty wrench and listens for clanking sounds...you might be flying a cut rate airline.
If they cancel the beverage service because during some turbulence the refreshment cart was rocked so hard they spilled all the Kool-ade...you might be flying a cut rate airline.
If the nuts they pass out as snacks are ones they cut off passengers on a previous $9 flight...you might be flying a cut rate airline.
If instead of offering a blockbuster movie during the flight, they just show public domain news footage from 9-11...you might be flying a cut rate airline.
If in the event of a "water landing" the plane’s only available floatation devices are the implants on the pre-op transsexual flight attendants...you’re definitely flying a cut rate airline.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
GOOD NEWS LADIES....
They're winners of the World Beard and Moustache Championships....and SINGLE!!!!!
NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!
Sure, Ryan Seacrest claims to be straight, but dude, you're looking at the camera! The camera! I'm just saying, most the straight guys I know would have their eyes somewhere else (and probably thinking about a motorboat)! I'm just saying!
ATTENTION CHEESEFEST GOERS!
If you've never seen the original trailer for the cult classic This Is Spinal Tap, take a look! It's mandatory viewing before attending Little Chute's Cheese Fest June 5th - 7th!
AWK-WAAAARD!
Saturday I was reading the new issue of Entertainment Weekly and it mentioned a website called Awkwardfamilyphotos.com.
With a little time on my hands this weekend, I checked it out.Skimming over somebody else's family snapshots is not generally my idea of a good time. However, many of these shots made me laugh out out. In many cases, I can't even tell you why. Check out some of the samples above, then check out the site! You might add a few of your own! -Rick-
Thursday, May 21, 2009
DOBIE, BROTHERS!
Dobie "Mr. Lucky" Maxwell returns to the Rick and Len Show tomorrow morning at 8:00 (5.22).
But you can see him tonight (5.21) at the Skyline Comedy Cafe with 2 for 1 admission! Why? It's WAPL night. Mention that to the nice person who answers the phone when you call 734-JOKE to make your reservations and you'll get stuck paying for your admission while they let your cheap-ass friend or relative in for free.
Bastards!
But you can see him tonight (5.21) at the Skyline Comedy Cafe with 2 for 1 admission! Why? It's WAPL night. Mention that to the nice person who answers the phone when you call 734-JOKE to make your reservations and you'll get stuck paying for your admission while they let your cheap-ass friend or relative in for free.
Bastards!
...BUT HER UTERUS DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OVER 30!
A 66 year old British woman is going to be giving birth in the Ukraine. As a public service of the Rick and Len Show, here's some signs....
YOU MIGHT BE TOO OLD TO BE GIVING BIRTH…
If your newborn has to learn to change your diaper before you learn to change his…you might be too old to be giving birth.
If instead of crying during the birth, your baby comes out sneezing from all the dust…you might be too old to be giving birth.
If the only thing you and your newborn have in common is the inability to chew solid foods…you might be too old to be giving birth.
If you can’t breast feed your new born because your milk is a quarter century past it's expiration date…you might be too old to be giving birth.
If you can't breast feed your new born without fear of bumping him in the head with your knee...you might be too old to be giving birth.
If your obstetrician opts for a cesarean birth just so your baby doesn’t have to fight through cobwebs to get out...you might be too old to be giving birth.
If chances are pretty good that your hip will break before your water does...you might be too old to be giving birth.
If you ever find yourself confusing your diaper bag with your colostomy bag...you might be too old to be giving birth.
If you’re hoping the baby is a boy just so you can name him Matlock...you are definitely too old to be giving birth.
YOU MIGHT BE TOO OLD TO BE GIVING BIRTH…
If your newborn has to learn to change your diaper before you learn to change his…you might be too old to be giving birth.
If instead of crying during the birth, your baby comes out sneezing from all the dust…you might be too old to be giving birth.
If the only thing you and your newborn have in common is the inability to chew solid foods…you might be too old to be giving birth.
If you can’t breast feed your new born because your milk is a quarter century past it's expiration date…you might be too old to be giving birth.
If you can't breast feed your new born without fear of bumping him in the head with your knee...you might be too old to be giving birth.
If your obstetrician opts for a cesarean birth just so your baby doesn’t have to fight through cobwebs to get out...you might be too old to be giving birth.
If chances are pretty good that your hip will break before your water does...you might be too old to be giving birth.
If you ever find yourself confusing your diaper bag with your colostomy bag...you might be too old to be giving birth.
If you’re hoping the baby is a boy just so you can name him Matlock...you are definitely too old to be giving birth.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
STEELBRIDGE SONGFEST RETURNS TO DOOR COUNTY
The 5th Annual Steel Bridge Songfest returns to Sturgeon Bay and surrounding communities June 11-14 with a host of musicians uniting in the effort to restore and maintain the historic Michigan Street Bridge over the shipping channel.There will be more than 150 performers at 15 venues, including the main "Take it to the Bridge" concerts on Saturday and Sunday, June 13th and 14th in downtown Sturgeon Bay. Click here for tickets and more info.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
DARRYL LENOX WITH RICK AND LEN (ACTUALLY ROSS) LEN'S GONE!
Len's off Friday. He's golfing and he's pissed! Pissed because he's not going to be around when the very funny Darryl Lenox joins us in the studio. Darryl will be on the show at 8:00am Friday morning but don't wait around to find out how funny he is. Check him out tonight (Thursday) at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton.
Thursday is WAPL night. Mention that when you make your reservation and it's 2 for 1 admission! Or check him out Friday or Saturday nights. Make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE.
Thursday is WAPL night. Mention that when you make your reservation and it's 2 for 1 admission! Or check him out Friday or Saturday nights. Make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
THERE'S A REASON HE JUST USES HIS INITIALS
Packer #1 draft pick B.J. Raji was asked to sign a hundred rookie cards with a pic from his college days as a member of the Boston College Eagles. We think he intended to sign them "Soar Eagles".
Monday, May 4, 2009
ATTENTION TREKKIES--OR TREKKERS--OR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO BE CALLED!
In anticipation of the new Star Trek movie opening this weekend, Thursday morning at 9:15 members of the Star Trek inspired rock band WARP 11 will join us on the Rick and Len Show. E-mail us a Star Trek trivia question that you think will "Stump the Trekkie". If we use your question, you'll win WARP 11'S new CD I DON'T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN AS LONG AS THEY HAVE VULCANS IN HELL.
YOU THINK SWINE FLU IS BAD!?!
QUAIL FLU--the most apparent symptom is small, bleeding, pellet sized holes that erupt on the face and upper body. It’s contracted by getting too close to a bevy of quail…while hunting with Dick Cheney.
BEAR FLU--Symptoms include a rare respiratory condition that results in the sufferer being unable to exhale air leaving them to only suck.
COUGAR FLU--Most at risk: Ashton Kutcher.
CRAB FLU--Contracted only by coming in close personal contact with a crabs' natural habitat such as the ocean floor, tropical beaches or Lindsey Lohan's underpants.
OWL FLU--Symptoms are identical to inebriation and sometime include a mild burning sensation in the mouth and chunks of buffalo wings in your teeth. Can only be contracted at your local Hooters. (And who wouldn't want to contract that?)
GERBIL FLU--only known symptom is extreme constipation. Only known victim: Richard Gere.
DOG FLU--A potentially fatal disease that struck South East Asia in 1987 resulting in the deaths of 39 men who all died of broken necks sustained while trying to lick their own balls.
HONEY BEE FLU--It's primary symptoms are sluggishness and fatigue and is caused by exposure to excessive amounts of honey. As in, "Honey, I need you to be doing this" and "Honey, I need you to be doing that". The only known treatment is laying on the couch and watching the game while drinking no less than half a six pack of beer.
BEAR FLU--Symptoms include a rare respiratory condition that results in the sufferer being unable to exhale air leaving them to only suck.
COUGAR FLU--Most at risk: Ashton Kutcher.
CRAB FLU--Contracted only by coming in close personal contact with a crabs' natural habitat such as the ocean floor, tropical beaches or Lindsey Lohan's underpants.
OWL FLU--Symptoms are identical to inebriation and sometime include a mild burning sensation in the mouth and chunks of buffalo wings in your teeth. Can only be contracted at your local Hooters. (And who wouldn't want to contract that?)
GERBIL FLU--only known symptom is extreme constipation. Only known victim: Richard Gere.
DOG FLU--A potentially fatal disease that struck South East Asia in 1987 resulting in the deaths of 39 men who all died of broken necks sustained while trying to lick their own balls.
HONEY BEE FLU--It's primary symptoms are sluggishness and fatigue and is caused by exposure to excessive amounts of honey. As in, "Honey, I need you to be doing this" and "Honey, I need you to be doing that". The only known treatment is laying on the couch and watching the game while drinking no less than half a six pack of beer.
HMMM...
A listener found this guy's pic on the "personals" page on Craig's List. He thinks it's me. I'm not sure who should be more insulted. Him or Me? I'm guessing him!
-Rick McNeal-
Here's some signs that maybe Craig's List isn't going to help you get a date...(Obviously, these don't apply to the smooth-looking guy with the aquarium!)
If the picture in your ad hasn’t gotten you any dates but several women have contacted you to find the location and hours of the haunted house they assume you're advertising...Craig's List might not help.
If on your dating profile you feel compelled to describe yourself as a "good listener" just because you do everything the voices in your head tell you to do...Craig's List might not help!
If you have trouble finding a restaurant that you think a potential date would enjoy that also allows you to dine while seated next to your mother's disembodied head...Craig's List might not help!
If you’ve had sex with so many inflatable dolls, you've contracted a case of inflatable crabs...Craig's List might not help!
If the only women you seem to meet are the ones whose homes you stop by to inform them you’ve moved to their neighborhood in accordance with the judge’s instructions...Craig's List might not help!
If under "hobbies" on your profile you wrote "adding to my nipple collection"..Craig’s List might not help!
If your first name is Rick and your last name rhymes with IcNeal...Craig"s List is definitely not going help!
Friday, May 1, 2009
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