'Twas about a month before Christmas
And outside his house
The world's greatest golfer was steering
Trying to get away from his spouse.
While the rest of us were nestled all snug in our beds
Elin was chasing him down the drive way, swinging a wedge at his head.
Tiger in his Escalade and Elin in a snit,
She was wielding a club and was ready to hit.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Neighbors sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.
Away to the window they flew like a flash,
To see all the wreckage from where the world's greatest golfer had crashed.
He hit a hydrant and tree smashing his bumper and hood.
Guess he just couldn't decided between an iron and wood.
There he lay on the ground, unconscious and snoring some say
Was he really knocked out or in an Ambien haze.
Elin claimed she broke the back windows with the club
Because she was just trying to help.
But we're all pretty sure
She was taking aim at his scalp.
He was whisked off the hospital where his problem was diagnosed
He'd suffered superficial wounds and a drug overdose.
And after a few hours, Tiger was released
And able to go home to stonewall the press and police.
But the story it broke, so lively and quick,
We knew in a moment, Tiger was involved with some chicks.
More rapid than eagles his bimbos they came,
And the press whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
Now, Rachel! Now, Jamiee! Now, Theresa and Mindy; all seeking their glory.
On Kalika! On Julie! On Holly and Cori!
To the tabloids they dashed after both fame and some wealth
To sell their pictures and stories all promoting themself.
But Tiger spoke not a word, only posted messages on his site.
About taking time off from golf and apologizing to his wife.
This is, without a doubt, an athlete in his prime.
Because only the world's greatest golfer, could play that many holes all at one time.
And outside his house
The world's greatest golfer was steering
Trying to get away from his spouse.
While the rest of us were nestled all snug in our beds
Elin was chasing him down the drive way, swinging a wedge at his head.
Tiger in his Escalade and Elin in a snit,
She was wielding a club and was ready to hit.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Neighbors sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.
Away to the window they flew like a flash,
To see all the wreckage from where the world's greatest golfer had crashed.
He hit a hydrant and tree smashing his bumper and hood.
Guess he just couldn't decided between an iron and wood.
There he lay on the ground, unconscious and snoring some say
Was he really knocked out or in an Ambien haze.
Elin claimed she broke the back windows with the club
Because she was just trying to help.
But we're all pretty sure
She was taking aim at his scalp.
He was whisked off the hospital where his problem was diagnosed
He'd suffered superficial wounds and a drug overdose.
And after a few hours, Tiger was released
And able to go home to stonewall the press and police.
But the story it broke, so lively and quick,
We knew in a moment, Tiger was involved with some chicks.
More rapid than eagles his bimbos they came,
And the press whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
Now, Rachel! Now, Jamiee! Now, Theresa and Mindy; all seeking their glory.
On Kalika! On Julie! On Holly and Cori!
To the tabloids they dashed after both fame and some wealth
To sell their pictures and stories all promoting themself.
But Tiger spoke not a word, only posted messages on his site.
About taking time off from golf and apologizing to his wife.
This is, without a doubt, an athlete in his prime.
Because only the world's greatest golfer, could play that many holes all at one time.
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