THE SCOOP

THE REAL REASONS BRETT'S NOT COMING BACK TO PLAY FOR THE VIKES.

10. Didn't feel really wanted in Minnesota since unlike Green Bay, their TV stations only sent half their reporters to camp outside his home and wait for his decision.

9. Having already ruined his reputation and his legacy, felt he had nothing left to accomplish.

8. Wanted to get an early start on making a decision about if he wants to come back next year.

7. Why bust your ass ruining a team's play-off chances by playing for them when you can ruin them just as well by NOT playing for them?

6. Has realized he doesn't need to put on a purple helmet to look like a dick.

5. Couldn't stand the thought of hearing the damn Hoop-dee-doo song all season.

4. Remember that look of stunned confusion and disappointment on the faces of Viking fans when he completed that shocking over time, game winning touchdown pass that Antonio Freeman miraculously caught at Lambeau in 2000? Just wanted to see that look on their faces one more time.

3. Not as interested when he found out that the Vikings no longer have a boat full of whores.

2. With his interception frequency on the rise, didn’t want to be remembered like a character in Brokeback Mountain, a well meaning country boy who's balls always end up in the wrong guy’s hands.

1. Was looking forward to returning to Lambeau until he realized it's not as much fun being part of a media circus when you’re playing with the clowns.