BOOBS AND TUBES

Have you seen the new season of Bret Michaels Rock of Love Bus on VH-1? It's dumb ass, huge hootered, uber-skanks on wheels! Sweet God almighty, these are the most brain dead women with the largest lung warts in history. Apparently, brains and silicone can not exist in the same body. Punxatawny Phil sees the sun more often than their feet do!

On the premier episode, one of the girls drank a shot from a test tube that one of the other girl was, ahhhh, holding with her downtown lady parts. Classy! For her sake, I hope she used the shot to wash down her Valtrex.

But holy crap are most these women stupid. They make the contestents on previous seasons seem like a bunch or Albert Einstein's (but with great racks!)

However, you'd have a easier time finding a vegetarian in a buzzard flock than finding a brain cell on the Rock of Love bus.

A easier time finding a pork chop in a synagogue than finding a brain cell on the Rock of Love bus.

A easier time finding an attorney in heaven than finding a brain cell on the Rock of Love bus.

You'd have a easier time finding a Super Bowl Trophy in Minnesota.

A woman's name in Ryan Seacrest's black book.

Groupies backstage at The View than finding a brain cell on the Rock of Love bus.

You'd have a easier time finding an Illinois governor with his hand in his own pocket.

A non-deaf person at a Celine Dion concert.

A defensive coach in Green Bay with a job than finding a brain cell on the Rock of Love bus.

You'd have a easier time finding a condom machine in the Vatican.

A sober bridesmaid at a Menasha wedding.

A solid bowel movement in the men’s room at 60 Minutes than finding a brain cell on the Rock of Love bus.

In fact, you'd have a easier time finding a virgin on the Rock of Love bus…than finding a brain cell on the Rock of Love bus.

A easier time finding a square inch of the Rock of Love bus not covered in skank juice than finding a brain cell on the Rock of Love bus.

A easier time finding a good reason to watch Rock of Love Bus than finding a brain cell on the Rock of Love bus. (Except, of course, for the boobs. Did I mention the boobs? Yeah, them is some mighty big boobs!)