CELEBRITY SWINE

HOW THE SWINE FLU EPIDEMIC IS EFFECTING CELEBRITIES.

Paula Abdul--is more than likely protected against the virus because she almost certainly took some Tamiflu while downing everything else in the pharmacy before her weekly Idol broadcasts.

Michael Jackson--has started wearing a respiratory face mask over the respiratory face mask he already wears.

Mel Gibson--in a effort to avoid all pork products,is converting to Judaism.

Michael Phelps--to avoid the disease, is only inhaling air that has passed through a water filled cylindrical glass filtration device.

The Octomom--while not especially at risk for the Swine Flu, is nonetheless having the germs implanted in her body in hopes that the disease will bring her even more media attention.

Brett Favre--is coming back out of retirement because he knows that if the disease kills any family members during the season at least he'll have a great game.

Scarlett Johannson--is avoiding all contact with anyone who has visited Mexico in the last 6 months. At least that's why Rick assumes she hasn't answered any of his love letters.

THE NEVER ENDING STORY

Brett got his unconditional release from the New York Jets. Before he does anything rash and signs with you-know-who, perhaps he should take a look at these job alternatives and their pros and cons.

JOBS FOR BRETT FAVRE

SHOE SALESMAN
CON: He knows nothing about men's dress shoes.
PRO: He knows everything about flip-flops.

LAWYER
CON: Has no formal legal training.
PRO: Has plenty of family members with enough legal problems to start his own firm.

DELIVERYMAN
CON: The wear and tear of a long NFL career has taken it's toll on his body which could make if difficult for him to lift and convey heavy packages.
PRO: Has proven to Ted Thompson that he has no problem carrying a grudge.

DIET AND EXERCISE GURU
Pro: Has kept himself in great shape throughout is career.
Con: Even after 18 seasons in the NFL, hasn't handled as many balls as Richard Simmons.

AMERICAN IDOL JUDGE
PRO: His verbal skills are no match for the acid tongued Simon Cowell.
CON: It would be fun to watch him fight with Paula each week over their last Vicodin.

FRUIT OF THE LOOM MASCOT
PRO: His high celebrity profile would probably sell some underwear.
CON: There is only one purple uniform in which he'd look even more ridiculous than being dressed as a bunch of grapes.

KERMET APIO WITH RICK AND LEN

Comic Kermet (yes, Kermet) Apio will stumble into the WAPL studio about 8:00am Friday (5.1) to join Rick and Len. Kermet is appearing at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton.

Tonight (Thursday) is WAPL night at Skyline! Two for one admissions Thursday night at 8:00 when you make your reservation and tell them you heard it on WAPL. Call 920-734-JOKE.

Or see Kermet Friday or Saturday night at 8 or 10:15 the Skyline.

Here's a sample of Kermet bring the funny...

CHEESE-US!

A woman in South Carolina claims she has found Jesus on her cheese toast and a Dutch man claims to have found Jesus' likeness in a Kit Kat bar. See what you think.

LAST COMIC STANDING'S PETE LEE JOINS RICK AND LEN

Pete Lee from Janesville (and Last Comic Standing) will drag his ass out of bed Friday morning (4.24) to join Rick and Len. You can see him live at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton through Saturday. Thursday night (4.23) is WAPL night which means two for one admission! Call 920-734-JOKE for your reservation.

GOING THE EXTRA MILE

Notice how car companies are bending over backwards to try to get you to buy? Well, nobody goes further than these guys! Nobody!

Hyundai Assurance Commercial - watch more funny videos

VIC FERRARI, RPM AND CAR FULL OF MIDGETS!

Join WAPL's Len Nelson for a night of great rock and roll and help local families dealing with autism. The Rock for Autism concert is Friday, April 25th at Tanner's in Kimberly! Doors open at 6:00, music starts at 7:00.
Tickets are $10 at the door and all proceeds benefit The Friends of Autism organization.
There are three bands, headlined by The Vic Ferrari Band with RPM and Car Full of Midgets.

YOU MUST BE FROM WISCONSIN!

A friend of a friend of mine was trying to do some yardwork this past weekend, but because he has a well-shaded yard, there was still a pile of snow. He got out the shovel during Saturday's beautiful weather and moved the snow around the yard a bit so it would melt. In the process, he got several mosquito bites. What better way of tell you MUST be from Wisconsin than getting bit by mosquitos while shoveling snow. It inspired me to come up with some more indicators.

If your odometer shows that you've put on over 200,000 miles, and that's just on your snow blower--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you've ever spent an entire day at Fleet Farm picking out just the right wedding dress--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you've ever showed up at church two hours before Sunday mass just to tailgate--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you think the F.B.I. is what dyslexics call Illinoisans--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you didn't know that people from Illinois are actually called Illinoisans--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you've ever put off watering your lawn for a week because your son was using the garden hose to make a beer bong--you must be from Wisconsin.

If despite going "up nort" deer hunting every fall, you wouldn't know a white tail if it bit you on the ass--but you can identify every stripper at Weasel's just from the sight of their lower back tattoo--you must be from Wisconsin.

If accidentally taking a dump in the hood of your blaze orange snowsuit has ever caused you to leave a wedding early--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you've ever removed a foam rubber cheesehead from a loved one to make it easier to close their casket--you definitely must be from Wisconsin.

MMMMM....BEER! THE FOX CITIES BEER FESTIVAL

The Fox Cities Beer festival gives you a chance to sample 200 beers from more than 20 brewers Saturday, April 25th from 1-5 p.m. at The Bar on Lyndale in Appleton. Rick and Len sampled a few on the air Tuesday morning. Ain't it good to be able to do something you love...while doing your job? Click here for Beer Festival info.

TOMMY JOHNAGIN AGAIN!

Comic Tommy Johnagin returns to the Rick and Len Show Friday morning. He's appearing this week at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton.

Check out Tommy's debut on Letterman below. Then call a make your reservations by calling the Skyline at 920-734-JOKE.

WILDWOOD FILM FEST

Thursday morning, the organizers of the Wildwood Film Festival (which is going on in Appleton Friday and Saturday) will join Rick and Len in the Studio. Take a look at this very funny film from a previous Wildwood Film Festival by local filmmaker Criag Knitt.

LAST CHANCE TO VOTE FOR BEST BAND!

Wednesday, April 15th is not only the tax deadline but it's also the last day you can vote to vote for your favorite Wisconsin band in the WAMI People's Choice Awards.
The Wisconsin Area Music Industry (WAMI) will hand out the hardware April 27th at its annual awards event in Milwaukee. Click here to support your favorite!

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF WINNEBAGO COUNTY

Police in Oshkosh arrested a 33-year-old woman for running a prostitution operation out of her home while her kid was in school and her husband was at work. She told officers that she used the extra cash she made to pay bills.

At this point, it's unclear as to whether or not the husband knew what was going on when he was away.

Just in case you think your wife may be doing the same thing, we at the Rick and Len offer these: SIGNS YOUR WIFE MIGHT BE A WHORE.

If she wants to rearrange the bedroom to make room for a 50 gallon lube dispenser and a "take a number machine" -- your wife might be a whore.

If a dumpster behind a tire store has less used rubber in it than the wastebasket beside your bed--your wife might be a whore.

If your mattress has been the site of more drilling than the Prudhoe Bay, Alaska Oil Field--your wife might be a whore.

If, while you're at work, your mattress has hosted more foursomes than Augusta National--your wife might be a whore.

If you've found more men in the closet than the Republican party--your wife might be a whore.

If the only thing you've banged in the last several months, is your nuts on the turnstile at your bedroom door--your wife might be a whore.

If she has Hugh Grant's photo on her wall, Eliot Spitzer's credit card on her night stand and Charlie Sheen's handprint on her ass--your wife might be a whore.

If you've found unexplained deposits in both her checking account and your bed--your wife is definitely a whore.

PATTI VASQUEZ WITH RICK AND LEN

Comic Patti Vasquez will join Rick and Len in the studio Friday (4.10) morning. Check out a clip of Patti doing her comedy (and shaking her boobies) and make your reservations to see her at eh Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton this Friday or Saturday nights by calling 920-734-JOKE.

PASSING A RESOLUTION (AND A FART!)

On Tuesday morning's show, we played Guess This. The question was why did the city council of Medina, Ohio have to call an unplanned recess during last month's meeting? The correct answer: members of the council couldn't stop giggling after one of them passed wind.

Here's the actual video. The trouser burps (there are two) are quite audible!

CHRIS PORTER JOINS RICK AND LEN IN THE STUDIO

Last Comic Standing comedian Chris Porter will join Rick and Len in the studio Friday (4.3) morning. Check out a clip of Chris below (language NSFW) and make your reservations to see him Friday or Saturday nights at the Skyline Comedy Cafe by calling 734-JOKE.

THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RINGTONES

Comedian Eddie Gossling, a Rick and Len favorite, has a new ringtone album geared toward Lord of the Rings fans. Check some of the, out here at Eddie's website or buy the album on iTunes!