Friday, August 5, 2011

WEENIE OF THE WEEK FOR 8/5/11


We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week...
the 16-year-old who was busted early Tuesday morning doing 111 miles per hour on
Highway 151 in Dodge County while on his way home from what he called a
late night "taco run" to Beaver Dam. In his defense, the driver told cops he thought he was only doing 95.
So, for not trying to outrun the deputy into the next county...I mean didn't he realize that his late night taco run qualifies as a "run for the border" anyway?
For not using a plausible excuse when pulled over...sorry, officer, but I just ate five tacos and I was speeding home because I really gotta poop. Like now!
And for telling the officer that you thought you were only going 95 miles per hour instead of the 111 he says you were traveling, which is still 30 miles per hour over the speed limit. That proves that with your math skills, you'll likely end up working in an industry where you won't have to travel far for fast food tacos...you'll be behind the counter...and you'll be getting the employee discount.
We are proud to name the 16-year-old 111-miler per hour Beaver Dam taco runner as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week.

Monday, August 1, 2011

AMY WINEHOUSE...MOTHER?


The London Daily Mirror reports that the late Amy Winehouse (pop star, heavy drinker, drug queen) was in the process of trying to adopt a 10-year-old girl from the island of St. Lucia. That sounds to us like a pretty bad idea!

Having Amy Winehouse as your parent would be like having Billy Joel as your chauffer.

It would be like having Ozzy Osbourne as your translator.

Like having Courtney Love as your pharmacist.

Like having Lady Gaga as your personal fashion designer.

Like having Jay Cutler as your wedding planner.

Like having Larry King as your marriage counselor.

Like having Michell Bachmann as your history teacher.

Like having Barack Obama as your credit counselor.

Like having Governor Walker as your union's local chairman.

Like having Dee Snider of Twisted Sister as your makeup technician.

In fact, having Amy Winehouse as a parent would be like having Rick McNeal
as your sex ed instructor.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

GRAPH THE BEATLES

With Paul McCartney's big shows tonight and tomorrow night at Wrigley Field, it seems like a good time to take a look at Graphjam.com's funny Beatles graphs.






Friday, July 29, 2011

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 7-29-11

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenies of the Week...20-year-old Jordan Cardella of South Milwaukee and his two buddies Anthony Woodall and Michael Wezyk. Cardella convinced his friends to shoot him with a rifle so that his ex-girlfriend would feel sorry for him and take him back. Even the prosecutor called this "the most phenomenally stupid case I've ever seen". And Wezyk's attorney agreed, saying he was "sorry to bring something so stupid into (the judges) courtroom".

So,

For getting his buddy to shoot a hole in his arm...which should go perfectly with the hole he must have in his head.

For coming up with a plan so dumb, Jordan, Michael and Anthony should change their names to Moe, Larry and Curly.

And for proving that a shot in the arm with a syringe may treat a virus but a shot in the arm with a rifle is no cure for a broken heart.

We are proud to name Jordan Cardella, Michael Wezyk and Anthony Woodall of South Milwaukee as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIES OF THE WEEK!

COCKTAIL FRANK 7.29.11

Some week's we have more than one really good Weenie of the Week Candidate (and this week we had several). Occasionally, we name a runner up, someone not quite a big enough weenie to get the full title. They're a smaller weenie. They're our Rick and Len Show COCKTAIL FRANK!

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Cocktail Frank...Sheboygan Mayor Bob Ryan who reportedly fell off the wagon HARD earlier this month, getting drunk at two bars during an alleged weekend bender in Elkhart Lake, getting into what police are calling a "scuffle" with another patron and hassling women, two of whom allegedly flashed the mayor, but not until after he was passed out on the bar.

So,

For not realizing that Elkhart Lake bars are no place to mix politics and alcohol. That what the Kennedy Compound is for.


For falling off the wagon so many times, it's amazing he doesn't have wheel track marks across his chest.

And for not understanding that as a politician, he's supposed to be passing out favors not passing out on the bar.

We are proud to name Sheboygan Mayor Bob Ryan as this week's Rick and Len Show…COCKTAIL FRANK!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

PIECE OF MASS

Dallas police busted this guy this week for allegedly running a sex club that he claims is a church. The "church" reportedly had porn playing on big screen televisions, topless dancers, and condom-stocked VIP rooms with beds. Here are the ways to differentiate between a sex club and a real church.

If a lot of people seem to be on their knees but none of them are actually praying...it might not be a real church.

If there are no hymns playing despite the presence of many available organs...it might not be a real church.

If the only time someone calls out the name of god, it's while they're having an orgasm...it might not be a real church.

If that wasn't holy water you just got sprayed with...it might not be a real church.

If "the host" you’re expected to put in your mouth isn't a communion wafer but rather, the guy running the party...it might not be a real church.

If the priest isn't the only one getting some action...it might not be a real church.

If you see a woman with beads that are not a rosary because nobody in their right mind would put a rosary where she just had those beads...it might not be a real church.

If there are plenty of people getting nailed but none of them to a cross...it's definitely NOT a real church!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

OFF HIS ROCK-ER

A guy in Sweden is receiving support from the Swedish government for having a psychological because he suffers from an addiction to Heavy Metal. Here's some of the signs you too may have a heavy metal addiction.

If you spend so much time going to concerts you hardly ever see your daughters Lars, Slash and Yngwie...you might be addicted to heavy metal.

If you were almost late for your own wedding because you couldn’t decide which black t-shirt to wear...you might be addicted to heavy metal.

If you've ever been injured moshing at a baptism...you might be addicted to heavy metal.

If you flash your metal horns at a concert so often, you end up wiggling your fingers more than a woman having sex with Rosie O'Donnell...you might be addicted to heavy metal.

Monday, July 25, 2011

JAY WALKING!

REASONS JAY CUTLER CALLED OFF HIS UPCOMING WEDDING TO MTV STAR KRISTIN CAVALLARI

10. Caught her wearing his mascara.

9. Couldn't walk all the way down the aisle without re-injuring knee.

8. They couldn't decide on a gown...or which one would get to wear it.

7. Found out that unlike the team he plays for, she doesn't suck.

6. Was afraid people would see him cry in church which wouldn't be manly the way it is on a football field.

5. He couldn't find a garter in Bears' colors and his size.

4. Realized they weren't really compatible when he learned she has a vagina.

3. Only store they could register at was Bed Bath and Beyond All Comprehension Why This Guy is a Starting NFL Quarterback.

2. While they didn't know what they were going to receive that was "something old, something new or something borrowed" the something "blew" was what he did to his team's chances of winning the 2011 NFC Championship game.

1. What? Jay Cutler quit on something. Say it ain'’t so. Next thing you’re going to be telling me is Amy Winehouse didn't die of natural causes!

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 7.25.11

July 15th City of Manitowoc
A 22-year-old man was arrested on an alleged strangulation charge. According to police, that man's girlfriend poured water on him in an effort to wake him up as he was sleeping on the bathroom floor and she needed to use the restroom. The man reportedly awoke and grabbed her by the neck.

July 17th City of West Allis
Police responded to a report of a male being stabbed. When police arrived, a male victim told them he had not been stabbed, but rather, his fiancee grabbed his scrotum and pulled it, causing an injury. The male victim was taken to Froedtert Hospital to stitch his detached scrotum.

July 12th City of Portage
Offices responded to a report of a disturbance. A 76-year-old man allegedly punched another man in the mouth. He was reportedly angry that the other man had opened a window.

July 16th City of Portage
Police stopped a vehicle for not having headlights turned on. The 17-year-old driver was arrested on a tentative charge of operating while drugged after he told them he smoked marijuana before going to see a "Harry Potter" movie.

June 26th City of Neenah
Police cited a 20-year-old man for shoplifting after he stole a $60 pair of Nike shoes from a department store on Green Bay Road. The man told police that he didn't think it was a big deal since all of his friends take shoes.

July 13th Village of Elm Grove
A woman on Blue Ridge Boulevard reported that four teenagers wearing costumes knocked on her door and, when she answered, said "trick or treat". She believed this was suspicious since it is the middle of July.

July 12th City of Oak Creek
A 20-year-old man told police he was assaulted by two men who stole his gold necklace and his bag of McDonald's cheeseburgers.

July 12 City of Brown Deer
A 45-year-old man was arrested for drunken driving after he was found hunched over his steering wheel with motor running. The man had vomit on his face and hands. When asked when he threw up, the man looked at the officer in "disbelief" saying it wasn't vomit, it was food.

July 20th City of Portage
Police arrested two women who reportedly swore at each other during a disturbance at Wendy's.

June 26th City of Neenah
The staff at a hotel at Cameron Way reported that a guest cracked a flat-screen television in a room. The room also… had vomit in it.

July 12th Village of Elm Grove
A woman reported that an MP3 player was taken from an unlocked car. A note left in the car stated: "Lock your doors hunny (sp), thanks for the iPod." An acquaintance of the woman later admitted had taken the music player to teach her to lock her car doors.

July 12th City of Oak Creek
Police were called to the South Shore Cinema where an 18-year-old man snuck into a movie he did not pay to see. When theater personnel and police tried to eject him, he shouted profanities and refused to leave his seat, forcing police to physically remove him from the theater. The disruption caused the movie to be stopped and all the patrons were refunded the ticket price.

July 11th Village of Winneconne
A couple on Lincoln Avenue called police to report that upon awakening around 6 a.m. they found a man in his underwear standing in their bedroom. They yelled at the man and he ran out the patio door and onto a screened porch. The couple continued yelling and the man left. Police tracked him down through a neighbor of the couple who said the underwear clad man knocked on his door and asked for a ride and the man obliged. When police spoke to the intruder he told them he'd been at a tavern and couldn't remember much of what happened after he left the place. He did not remember removing his clothing or entering the Lincoln Avenue home. When he awoke in the morning he went looking for the bathroom and wound up in the bedroom of people he did not know. They yelled and he ran.

Friday, July 22, 2011

WIN TIX TO SEE PAUL MCCARTNEY AT WRIGLEY!

Join us next week for the Rick and Len Show and your chance to win tickets to see a true living legend...Sir Paul McCartney at Wrigley Field!!!!!!

Rick and Len, 6 to 10 only here on the Rockin' Apple!