WEENIE OF THE WEEK 2.25.11

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...Governor Scott Walker's chief of staff, Keith Gilkes. Gilkes is the man who signed off on setting up the phone call between the governor and the blogger who claimed to be billionaire financier David Koch which, of course, turned out to be a prank. Gilkes failed to recognize the call as phony, even when the blogger told him he’d have to talk to the governor using the online service Skype which of course, allowed him to avoid caller I.D.. Gilkes didn't even smell a rat when the fake Koch told him he didn't have a cell phone because, "My g-damn maid, Maria, put my phone in the washer. I'd have her deported, but she works for next to nothing."

So,

For being the biggest sucker American politics has seen since Monica Lewinsky's wriggled out from under Clinton's desk.

For setting up the call between the fake Koch and Governor Walker despite there being more red flags than you’d see at a May Day parade in Moscow.

For helping Walker embarrass himself and become the butt of jokes throughout both the state and nation, something, traditionally, Wisconsin Governors have always done without any assistance.

We are proud to name Keith Gilkes, Governor Walker’s Chief of Staff as this week’s Rick and Len Show…WEENIE OF THE WEEK.

DARRYL LENOX BACK WITH RICK AND LEN!

He's smart! He's funny! He sometimes sounds like Morgan Freeman! He's Darryl Lenox and he's back at the Skyline Comedy Cafe through Saturday night.

See Darryl tonight, WAPL Night and get 2 for 1 admission. Call 920-734-JOKE to make your reservation.

And check him out Friday morning from 8 to 9 on the Rick and Len Show. Always a joy to have Darryl in the house!

Careful, language and subject matter of clip may not be suitable for work...unless of course you work in a whorehouse or something.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6EqJrZ4AKc

NEW TELEPHONE RULES FOR THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION

NEW PHONE RULES FOR SCOTT WALKER

1. Even if you do have Prince Albert in the can, under no circumstances should you reveal that information o an unknown caller over the phone. Nor should you let him out. He's probably in there for a good reason. Perhaps diarrhea. Or maybe he's masturbating.

2. Not matter what instructions you receive from a power company employee who is attempting to ascertain whether or not your refrigerator is presently running, DO NOT attempt to catch it. You are the governor of a major Midwestern state and your time is too valuable. That's what you have a lieutenant governor for.

3. Even though a phone caller may be persistent, do not allow them to talk you into using the State Capitol public address system to seek the whereabouts of Amanda Huggnkiss.

4. Just as with the case of Amanda Huggnkiss, before using the P.A., ask yourself, just how realistic are the chances that Mike Rotch is currently anywhere to be found in the Capitol Building?

5. Inform Mrs. Walker that the same goes for any calls she may receive asking her to conduct a search for Mike Rotch's 1st cousin Mike Hunt.

6. No matter how much money the billionaire Jablowme brother's donated to your campaign, do not take a call from their son Heywood.

IT'S HARD TO GET HEAT FROM A FIRESIDE CHAT WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A FIRE

SURPRISES IN LAST NIGHT'S FIRESIDE CHAT BY GOVERNOR WALKER

10. To demonstrate the direness of the state's financial situation, delivered the speech wearing only an old barrel.

9. Made a couple jokes about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in what is believed to be an attempt to land the hosting job for next year’s Golden Globes.

8. Announced plan to lure Democratic senators back to the state by promising them a free rub and tug at Appleton's Heavenly Touch Massage Parlor.

7. Delivered the speech after being carried into the Governor’s office in a large fiberglass egg.

6. Despite calling it a "fireside chat", the only thing burning was his intense man love for Senate Majority leader Scott Fitzgerald.

5. He inadvertently kept referring to the Wisconsin 14 as the Dave Clark 5.

4. Revealed the real reason he left college without a degree was an intense allergy to sheepskin.

3. Admitted that due to lack of funds, his plan to acquire an actual personality had to be put on the back burner for another two years.

2. While there was no actual fire during his "Fireside Chat", after finishing the speech he did spend about a hour toasting marshmallows over a large pile of burning union contracts.

1. He admitted for the first time that the real cause of the deficit is he bet a billion on the Steelers in the Super Bowl.

A REALLY AMAZING RACE!

Jerry Price from Plymouth is participating in a once in a century event called The World Race from New York to Paris.

To learn more about Jerry and the Price Race team, and to hear the song written and recorded for him by area music legend Dave Steffen, click here.

ILLINOISED!

THINGS WISCONSIN SENATE DEMOCRATS DID THIS WEEKEND WHILE HIDING IN ILLINOIS

10. Being Democrats, played rousing game of pin the tail on each other.

9. Wandered the streets wearing their new Packer Super Bowl gear just to annoy the locals.

8. Did massive amounts of blow and locked a porn star in a closet, unless, of course, I’m confusing them with Charlie Sheen.

7. Not sure, but I bet it looked like one of those Career Builder ads with a bunch of monkey's working together in an office.

6. Tried to play late night game of Truth or Dare until they realized they are politicians so none of them know what "truth" is.

5. Laid in the dark and told each other stories about scary things like ghosts, monsters and Republican State Senator Mike Ellis' hair.

4. Abandoned their Hide and Seek game to stand on the state border where they challenged their Republican colleagues to join them in Illinois during an interstate game of Red Rover. (Red Rover, Red Rover, Frank Lasee come over!)

3. Stayed up late getting the crap scared out of them watching horror films like Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street and a documentary about the 2010 midterm elections.

2. Prank called Governor Walker. Asked if his refrigerator was running and if it was, would he consider replacing it with a more energy efficient model that would save the state enough money to fund the state workers' insurance plan.

1. Same thing everyone does when they visit Illinois. Pay the frickin' tolls and get P.O.d at the driving of the g-damn FIBs.

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 2.21.11

February 16th City of Oshkosh
A 23-year-old man was cited for retail theft after he was caught trying to leave the store with a package of needles he had not pair for. The man admitted to police that had grabbed the needles off the shelf before going into the restroom and using them to pierce his own lip.

February 16th Village of Bellevue
A 61-year-old Wal-Mart cashier was fired after she was caught on camera stealing $20 from a register and eating bags of M&Ms while working.

February 14th Town of Grand Rapids, WI
Police received a report from an Abby Lane resident that someone damaged a snowman they had made in their yard.

February 12th City of Waupun
A woman said someone has been throwing a tire in the middle of the railroad tracks. She has moved it twice now, but someone keeps moving it back.

February 11th Village of Winneconne
A 57-year-old Winneconne woman called police to report finding a harassing letter from an unidentified neighbor in her mailbox. The letter, signed by a "very disgusted and angry neighbor", criticized the woman for walking her three Shih Tzus unleashed and not cleaning up after them. In the letter, the neighbor threatened to take video images of the woman and turn them in to authorities. Police responded by telling the woman...to clean up after her dogs.

February 10th City of Brookfield
Police were called to a clothing store where an intoxicated man reportedly struck a manager in the face with a plastic bag containing a hat.

February 13th City of Brookfield
A 46-year-old man was cited for misuse of an emergency number for calling 911 to report that a restaurant refused to deliver pizza to his house.

January 28th City of Oshkosh
Police investigated a retail theft on South Koeller Street where an 18-year-old woman was caught stealing clothing. The woman told officers she had no money and needed the clothes for her baby. From an examination of the stolen merchandise, she apparently has a very large baby since most the stolen clothes were the same size as those worn by the mother.

February 8th City of Greenfield
A 22-year-old man was cited for possession of heroin after he passed out using the drug in the bathroom...of the brain injury unit at Mount Carmel Nursing Home.

February 13th City of Beaver Dam
A woman reported that someone walked into her home on East Circle Drive the night before and took an aspirin from her pill box.

January 26th City of Oshkosh
A caller notified police of seeing a car leave the road and crash into a ditch on West Ninth Avenue. When police arrived on the scene, the driver told them, "I'm drunk. I was driving reckless at least 14,000 miles per hour and I'm in Appleton."

February 16th City of Portage
A 36-year-old man was arrested for violating an absolute sobriety condition of a misdemeanor criminal bond after police received a report that he was drunk and throwing snowballs.

February 14th Town of Saratoga, WI
A woman called police to report someone entered her home… and stole her fish tank.

February 13th City of Waupun
A woman on Reids Drive called to request police assistance. She told them her parents and her oldest brother were visiting her home and they won’t leave.

NOBODY CAN EAT JUST ONE!

Check out this video to learn the real meaning of the term "butt munch".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RM4se7IL4wU

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D ASK THIS QUESTION BUT...

Which of these pets do you think look sexiest in their lingerie?

SEE JAMIE FAITH EDMUNSON AT MANTOWN!

She looks like just your average Packer fan! This is Jamie Faith Edmundson, one of our judges for the Hairy Back contest at Mantown today at Shopko Hall. Stop by the WAPL broadcast site by 5:30 and you could still be in the contest!