SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 1.10.11

January 6th City of Stevens Point
Two people were arrested after an argument at China Wok. A 22-year-old man who was dining at the restaurant reported that a 27-year-old woman threw water on him, hit his head with a glass yu7man and his friend were making derogatory comments about the waitresses and when she told them to stop, the man hit her in the head with a fortune cookie and called her a "stinky bitch".

December 26th City of Green Bay
Police responded to a report from a Hubbard Street residence where an intruder had broken in, stole about a $1000 in merchandise, watched TV and cooked and ate a frozen pizza.

December 22nd City of Green Bay
An officer who found a man lying near the entrance of Anderson, Tackman & Company on Cherry Street with open intoxicants, gave the man the choice of receiving a citation or relinquishing his 11 remaining cans of beer. The man chose to take the citation.

January 3rd City of Beaver Dam
A male Pizza Hut delivery driver reported that a 20-year-old man on South Lincoln Avenue came to the door naked to get his pizza, and then invited the driver to return to the residence after he was done working.

December 13th City of Neenah
A Higgins Avenue woman reported that her husband left their house to go for a walk about 8pm and had not returned by 11:30pm. Policed located the man about 1am at a tavern. He was OK and declined a ride home.

January 6th city of Shawano
Police were called to Wal-Mart where a man who was passing out CDs to shoppers suddenly changed his mind and wanted them all back.

January 4th City of Portage
An Associated Bank employee called police to report someone had two carnation flowers were duct-taped to the outside of a door to a storage room.


December 29th City of Brookfield
Police were called to Brookfield Central High School where a 14-year-old boy was allegedly throwing candy at a basketball game.

December 29th City of Greenfield
A South 69th Street resident called police to report that during the night or early that morning, someone had thrown two hot dogs on their driveway.

GHOSTBUSTERS 3: STAYPUFT TAKES THE BIG EASY! PART 4

Still more of Staypuft's Big Easy Adventure...


Staypuft narrowly avoids getting toasted during the Christmas Eve bonfires on the levees.


Staypuft gets in a sticky situation with local law enforcement.


Staypuft shares a drink with a fellow traveler.


Staypuft with New Orelans music superstar Trombone Shorty who is nominated for 3 2011 Grammy Awards.


Staypuft on stage performing with Glen David Andrews.

WEENIE OF THE WEEK 1.7.11

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...a highly intoxicated woman who early Saturday morning, flagged down a cop on Main Street in Winneconne and asked him to give her a ride to Omro. The officer refused and instead, drove the woman to her home. Once at her home, the woman called 911 to ask for a cop to take her to Omro. An officer went to her home to tell her to stop calling 911 unless she had a real emergency. The drunken woman responded by calling 911 FIVE more times to ask for a ride to Omro.

So,

For being more persistent than a porn star's herpes.

For calling 911 more frequently than Zsa Zsa Gabor calls Life Alert.

And for dialing 911 so many times she's lucky they didn't take her to jail...couldn't be any worse than going to Omro.

We are proud to name the Winneconne woman who kept calling 911 to get a ride to Omro as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!

CHINAMAN WOKS THE LINE WITH RICK AND LEN!

Chinaman returns for another visit with Rick and Len this morning. Don't miss him tonight or tomorrow night at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton. Chinaman usually sells out, so don't wait to make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE (5653).


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0y_-iqAiro

GHOSTBUSTERS 3: STAYPUFT TAKES THE BIG EASY! PART 3

Staypuft's adventures in New Orleans continue...


Staypuft proves he likes both wieners...


...and breasts!


In search of more breasts, Staypuft finds a real deer in front of the Hustler Barely Legal Club.


While chatting with the deer, the gentlemen with the fur coat and gold teeth photo-bombed Staypuft, jumping into the pic. However, I understand he offered to help Staypuft get in a little hot water with a Swiss Miss for fifty bucks!

SPECIAL S.T.DELIVERY!

A website has just begun offering e-cards to send to your hook-ups after you've been diagnosed with an STD. I recently came to the conclusion that writing sympathy cards has to be one of the worst jobs in the world. However, writing, "I may have given you an sexually transmitted disease" cards may be right up my alley. Here's some of my efforts...

It was sure nice to see ya.
Now you got gonorrhea.

-or-

Guess I should have gotten rid-a-ya.
Before you contracted my Chlamydia.

-or-

I hope you enjoyed our time together.
I hope you liked the sex.
And I hope you don't wait too long
To cash in this gift certificate for Valtrex.

-or-

Better stop wearing those Daisy Dukes
And your really short shorts.
Unless you want folks to start noticing
Your newly contracted genital warts.

-or-

I’m sure you've heard of infamous woman
Known as Typhoid Mary.
Well, you better get a shot.
Before you go down in history as syphilis Larry.

-or-

Had a great time with you
Just the other day
We performed like two dancers
In some erotic ballet.
We parted happy and smiling
Our clothes in disarray.
But now my crotch has more crabs
Than a Red Lobster buffet.

-or-

I’ve got some news for you
I had a blood test.
And to be perfectly honest
The results were not the best.
But on the bright side,
You’ll never forget our time together here in Wisconsin
And you now have something in common with basketball great Magic Johnson.

-or-

Our passion lit a fire.
The flames rising high as a tree.
Our lust ignited an inferno
Like it was a thousand degrees.
Our body's smoldered together.
The blaze engulfed both you and me
Which is why you shouldn’t be surprised when it starts to burn when you pee.

GHOSTBUSTERS 3: STAYPUFT TAKES THE BIG EASY! PART 2

Staypuft's adventures in New Orleans continue...



Staypuft tries the mac and cheese, some gator sausage and a local delicacy: a burger topped with peanut butter and a mound of bacon and slathered with mayo. When your insides are already corn syrup, gelatin and eggs, it's pretty pointless to worry about what you eat.


Staypuft has a Christmas Eve three-way with a couple local bartenders (or as he calls it, a menage a mallow!) You know what they say? Once you go Puft, you'll love getting stuffed!



They wouldn't have needed a whole carload of this stuff if Staypuft had just washed hands between the burger and the three-way.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER DIE TOGETHER

As you've probably heard, thousands of birds dropped from the sky, dead late New Years Eve and early New Years morning. What caused it. Nobody knows. (However, it does bear some similarities to the plot of last season's failed ABC series Flash Forward.)

Here's our list of:

THINGS THAT MIGHT HAVE KILLED ALL THOSE BIRDS.

10. Shot by Dick Cheney who mistook them for an old man's face.

9. Simply, died of embarrassment when revealed to be Chicago Bear fans.

8. Don’t really know but can anybody tell me if OJ was in Arkansas this weekend?

Took their own lives rather than live long enough to watch last night’s premier of Paula Abdul's new Live to Dance show on FOX.

Were killed by their bookies when they didn't pay up after the Badgers failed to cover the spread.

5. Just didn't want to go on living if Brett Favre wasn't going to play football anymore.

4. Encountered Ozzy Osbourne with a really bad case of the munchies.

3. Lifetime of eating brats and fried cheese curds finally caught up with them.

2. Shot by Green Bay Police who swear they thought the birds had a gun.

1. Not sure but Democrats are blaming Bush, the Republicans are blaming Obama and the Tea Partiers are demanding to see the birds' birth certificates.

GHOSTBUSTERS 3: STAYPUFT TAKES THE BIG EASY! PART 1

Before departing for New Orleans, where I spent Christmas, I abducted the Staypuft Marshmallow Man from the desk of the Afternoon Road Show's John Jordan. I'll post a 2 or 3 photos of Staypuft's New Orleans adventure each of the next few days.



Staypuft enjoying a Bloody Mary at the airport bar before the flight. He's a nervous flyer!



Staypuft being shown his room by the bellhop. Why did he get to stay at a better hotel than I did? I stayed at a Motel 3. It's like a Motel 6 but only half as awesome!



Staypuft scamming on a chick passed out in the hotel lobby. I think he scored. It's hard to tell. He's always white and sticky!

You gotta admit, he looks like he's having a blast! -Rick-

SMALL TOWN CRIME WAVE 1.3.11

December 18th Calumet County
Police received a report that a muskrat was in the basement of a home on School Street. The caller told police the muskrat was stabbed with a screwdriver, but they wanted an officer to shoot it. Instead, the muskrat was put in a bag and taken out of town.

December 8th Town of Menasha
An off-duty officer from another community reported a vehicle that was driving recklessly through the parking lot on West American Drive, nearly striking another vehicle. He attempted to make contact with the driver, a 30-year-old Appleton man, who made an obscene gesture at the officer and left the parking lot, squealing his tires. Contacted later, the driver admitted to having a bad day.

December 6th Town of Menasha
Officers were called to a residence on Meadowview Drive on a report of a couple arguing over dishware and utensils.

December 11th City of Neenah
A complainant told police he was attacked while inside a tavern on Main Street and had choke marks on his neck. When police arrived, the man was gone. Others in the bar told police no altercation occurred and that the man was just intoxicated and mad about losing a game of pool.

December 16th City of Waupun
A woman on North Drummond Street called police to report someone stole her snow shovel and she thinks she knows who did it!