SIGNS YOU MIGHT LIVE IN WISCONSIN

If you've ever used shovels to both plant a garden and remove snow in the same week...you might live in Wisconsin.

If your kids have ever worn snowshoes to an Easter Egg hunt...you might live in Wisconsin.

If the hardest part about clearing snow from your driveway is not getting branches from the trees knocked over by the tornado stuck in your snow blower...you might live in Wisconsin.

If in less than 36 hours, you've ever gone from freezing your balls off to sweating your balls off and back again...you might live in Wisconsin.

If despite needing it to clear your driveway, you’d much rather take your shovel to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania and beat the living crap out of that lying frickin' rodent...you might live in Wisconsin.

And if hearing a forecast of 10 inches of snow this week is the only thing that blows harder than the tornado that hit your home last week...you definitely live in Wisconsin.

YOU MUST BE FROM WISCONSIN!

A friend of a friend of mine was trying to do some yardwork this past weekend, but because he has a well-shaded yard, there was still a pile of snow. He got out the shovel during Saturday's beautiful weather and moved the snow around the yard a bit so it would melt. In the process, he got several mosquito bites. What better way of tell you MUST be from Wisconsin than getting bit by mosquitos while shoveling snow. It inspired me to come up with some more indicators.

If your odometer shows that you've put on over 200,000 miles, and that's just on your snow blower--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you've ever spent an entire day at Fleet Farm picking out just the right wedding dress--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you've ever showed up at church two hours before Sunday mass just to tailgate--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you think the F.B.I. is what dyslexics call Illinoisans--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you didn't know that people from Illinois are actually called Illinoisans--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you've ever put off watering your lawn for a week because your son was using the garden hose to make a beer bong--you must be from Wisconsin.

If despite going "up nort" deer hunting every fall, you wouldn't know a white tail if it bit you on the ass--but you can identify every stripper at Weasel's just from the sight of their lower back tattoo--you must be from Wisconsin.

If accidentally taking a dump in the hood of your blaze orange snowsuit has ever caused you to leave a wedding early--you must be from Wisconsin.

If you've ever removed a foam rubber cheesehead from a loved one to make it easier to close their casket--you definitely must be from Wisconsin.

STEAL ADVERTISING SLOGANS LIKE YOU MEAN IT!

The Wisconsin Department of Tourism has paid a company $50,000 to come up with a new slogan to promote travel to Wisconsin. For the 50 large, the company came up with "Live life like you mean it!". Great! Except it's the same slogan that Bacardi has been using to sell rum for the last umpteen years!

Last year, when the Department of Tourism folks first mentioned they were hiring a firm to create a new slogan, we put it in the hands of Rick and Len Show listeners. Here's some of our listener's suggestions. Let us know which one/ones you like better than "Live life like you mean it!"

Wisconsin: Illinois charm with Canadian sophistication.

Wisconsin: Our fat chicks are less inhibited.

Wisconsin: Lactose intolerant, anorexic non-drinkers, not!

Wisconsin: We’re not alcoholics, we’re professionals.

Wisconsin: Beer, it’s what’s for dinner.

Wisconsin: Best old fashions, bar none.

Wisconsin: Just as many bars as churches.

Wisconsin: Our drunks prove Darwin’s Theory!

Wisconsin - Because your beer sucks.

Wisconsin: Hey Illinois, we only hate you half as much as Michigan does.

Wisconsin: Turn signals and dental hygiene optional.

Wisconsin: I'm not gay, but I would sleep with Brett Favre.

Wisconsin. It's so cold, I can taste my testicles.

Wisconsin: We gave you Tony Sha..Shul.. that dude from Monk.

Wisconsin: A lot like Minnesota, but better because you can buy beer on Sunday.

Wisconsin: Hot dish without the accent!

Wisconsin: Where your wife and girlfriend know how to use jumper cables.

Wisconsin: Its Amsterdam for alcoholics.

Wisconsin: We make the cheese with our back fat.

Wisconsin: If you absolutely have to live around white people.

Wisconsin! Necrophilia still ain't illegal!

Wisconsin: Bet you can't eat just one.

Wisconsin: Have another one, you pussy!

What happens in Wisconsin, stays in Wisconsin. Because no one wants to hear about your trip to Wisconsin.